Cancer……I Win!

It’s time for a ‘CELEBRATION!’  And ‘ABBIE’ is going to celebrate hard and in style and here’s why! (You know how much I LOVE an acronym).  

Ok, so one of the ABBIE acronyms doesn’t quite work, but hell….who cares?!
The ‘not so big C’ has left the building, been evicted !!! I WIN! Cancer, you lose! Well…..let’s face it. The b****** cells didn’t stand a chance did they? 

So, my latest MRI results……From a 10cm grapefruit in my ‘Brad Pitt’ and in many, many lymph nodes, to a pea! Not even that. “A ghosting of cancerous cells is left” my surgeon says.

YIPPEE!!!!!!! 

Do you believe in the power of the subconscious mind…? The power of words? In the power of what we say and how we speak to ourselves affects our lives? Can have a positive effect on our physiology? Do you believe in what we think about, we bring about? That we can shape our lives JUST by what we think, believe, see and FEEL in our minds and hearts? I DO!! 

Well….thinking about what my parents would always say to us growing up ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’

It works my friends! I asked, or rather, I told myself these very words and that’s precisely what happened. 

Yes, the chemotherapy treatment has worked very well over the last four months and the tumour responded amazingly; I also strongly believe my optimistic frame of mind had a part to play in this fantastic result (over 10cm sized tumour to practically nothing!)

Thank you very much for paying me a short visit little, insignificant C….DON’T COME BACK please, you’re not welcome! You’ve done your job. You may have taken away my hair, my hope (only for a short period), but you didn’t take my life, you helped me lose weight, you saved me money from not going out, you gave me a reason to start writing a blog, you helped me raise money for the charity, Cancer Hair Care, you gave me life perspective, you gave me a reason to be bold, strong, INVINCIBLE! 

Cancer put that in your pipe and smoke it….MATE! Well, you’re not my mate really but I do thank you for teaching me life-long lessons. 

I’m sorry though (well I’m not really sorry)…..It’s time to say Goodbye, Adios, Au revoir, Ta-ra (certainly not TTFN!), Sayonara, Arrivederci, Ciao, off you trot, or shall I say off ya f***! (Sorry Mum and Dad for all the swearing but I’M ECSTATIC so please allow me to shout from the rooftops with a few expletives!)

So, I am revelling in the fact that I am walking around pretty much CANCER FREE now!

And thank YOU my supporters, my champions for believing in me and backing me. 

So, my surgeon, ‘Angel Zoe’….I call her Angel Zoe as she seems to have floated down into my life, into my existence, with her angelic presence, the sparkly, white, HUGE, angel wings and perfectly round halo that sits above her head….has taken the stress away from me regarding the surgery that I still need (why? You may wonder because if there’s almost no cancer cells left then why is a mastectomy needed rather than a lumpectomy. I’ll explain why later on). Angel Zoe has given me hope. Did she come from nowhere? Hmmmm…..I actually think not. Zoe came into my life with a solution to my problem because I sought additional answers. And because of where I stand with my current strong mindset, I believe that people and situations come into your life and solve issues, sort everything out, show you life can be straightforward, can be what you wish for. Life can be simple, never easy, but simple, if you give it the respect of trusting it and trusting its process. 

And check this out…..on researching ‘Angel Zoe’, before letting her loose with a scalpel on my right boob, I googled her, (as you do) and LOOK! Look what I found……

“Zoe Barber (that’s my surgeon) travelled to Los Angeles to visit Project AngelFood for 6 weeks. Project AngelFood is a non-profit organisation that prepares, cooks and delivers meals to those battling critical illness. Their aim is to provide comfort and nutrition at a time of significant financial, physical and emotional need.  

Since its inception in 1989, Project AngelFood has delivered almost 9 million meals to over 15,000 people, a testament to the Agency’s ability to implement and sustain a successful home-delivered food and nutrition program over the last 25 years.

Project AngelFood was founded in 1989 by Marianne Williamson. 

Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson and David Kessler held the first fundraiser, bringing in $11,000.”

WOW!!!!! I gave her the title ‘Angel Zoe’ before even knowing any of this. She really IS an Angel. Let’s hope she does a good job on my ‘Lady Lump’! I don’t want to have to retract her title! 

So, yes, my cancer free news is wonderfully bitter sweet as I still need the mastectomy and this is booked for Wednesday 12th May. A 3.5-hour operation, one ‘nork’ taken off and replaced with an imposter. Ok….so, not really an imposter but not real if you get my drift. But at least it’ll make me feel more symmetrical and less lopsided. AND most importantly no cancer will be residing in my body anymore. I still need the mastectomy as it all needs to go under a microscope to get checked out. (And by all, I mean my boobie and its lymph node neighbours). Also, if I want to be surer that the cancer doesn’t return. No thank you very much. So bring it on Angel Zoe. Do your thing. Take away rogue titty, be gone with it and those nasty, horrible cells that once were. 

Once I’ve recovered from this surgery, when I’ve slept upright for a few weeks (and this shouldn’t be a problem for me, dear readers. Do you recall me saying in a previous blog that I once fell asleep standing upright on a train holding onto one of those things you grab hold of that hang down from the train ceiling? I’m sure they have a name. Anyone know?). So, after I’m all better and all healed, new boob in situ, it’ll be a course of radiotherapy which I’m assured, by many who have gone through it, is a breeze compared to chemotherapy. Hit me with it! 

So, going back to the image of me saying my daily affirmation in the mirror, where I would state those words of conviction looking at myself, my intention to stay strong, determined to feel good through this torrid time, and come out the other side with a non cancerous body…..my wish was my command! Just like the genie in the lamp when Aladdin rubbed it. I rubbed my lamp and what was delivered to me was exactly what I asked for….healthy boob cells and a healed body. 

After the two-week period, post diagnosis, during which I actually thought I could die, I made a choice and that choice was simple….I didn’t want to be a victim to cancer. I took control of how I view the situation. The imagination is invaluable. What you imagine is what becomes your reality. I imagined my future to be bright, my life to be a full one, the possibilities were endless in my mind. And there’s only one explanation for that….CHOICE!

There was little point in being angry about it all and showing bitterness to the situation because “The best fighter is never angry”. My overcoming attitude and my unwavering belief, my optimistic mindset has indeed helped me reach my end goal, which is my healing, but it has also helped me to feel relaxed along the way. And cope well with the crap that kept coming my way.

The last thing I wanted to do was to wallow, I didn’t imagine I would be fun to be around if I was a wallower and I didn’t want people to feel drained if they came to see me. Didn’t want anyone to walk away wishing they’d not bothered to visit because I was so miserable about my situation. 

How do YOU see yourself? Do you recognise whether you are a Drain or a Radiator? By that I mean, do you think people leave your company feeling drained of energy or radiated with love? 

In the same vein, are you a Sapper or a Zapper? Do people feel sapped of energy being around you or zapped to another level of energetic loveliness? What choice will you make?

I’m not saying I am always fun to be around but certainly, during this stage in my life, I didn’t want to be a drain on people, on myself. Because it’s what it says on the tin……it’s draining! Why would I want to drain my own energy thinking about the negatives of Cancer? I needed my positive energy to heal, to get through the gruesome chemo treatment. I needed to channel my energy and focus on getting well rather than thinking about using my energy on moaning and complaining about how awful it is that I’d got cancer. 

I needed to be upbeat to cope with the never ending hospital appointments. I needed to smile through the tears that DID come…. a lot. Because I’m human and do often get ‘those down days’.

My skin may have bruised easily but my WILL and fight did not.

My body may have tired but my spirit never did.

My body may have seen limitations but my mind and spirit never did.

My body may have experienced tension, pain, disease but my spirit never did.

In my mind I was already healed. In my mind, I pictured perfect health. 

And now look what I got, folks! A healed body. Do you think you’ve got what it takes to overcome anything? All it takes is CHOICE. Choose to say ‘yes’. It’s that simple. 

#belikeabbie