Forgiving the Unforgivable

So, in my last blog I spoke about turning adversity on its head and thanking cancer for deciding to show up in my body. It’s given me a whole new perspective on life. A whole new positive and meaningful perspective that I never thought I would feel…being grateful to the disease for choosing me! I am blessed. 

And as I heard quoted recently, ‘Life is like a staircase; sometimes you have to go up, and sometimes you have to go down’. I am currently ‘riding the wave’ on the downward staircase with grace, panache and an unwavering determination to change direction towards the upward climb. 

Hell…..so let’s not stop there….let’s go back years on what was a downward climb on that staircase of life.

Thank you to my domestic abuser!

‘Holding onto resentment/anger is like holding onto a hot piece of coal with the intention of throwing it….you’re the one getting burned’. One of my most favourite quotes.

So, I would now like to extend my heartfelt thanks to the man who physically and mentally abused me in my early 20s. How liberating is THAT?! To be thankful to someone who physically hurt another human being. That person went some way to making me become the woman I am today….the fighter, the person that will absolutely not lie down and let cancer beat her! It doesn’t make it right what I had to endure, but he gave me the ‘balls’ to not accept certain situations and to fight with a spirit I never thought possible. 

In the words of Jamelia’s 2003 song, ‘Thank You’:

'For every last bruise you gave me
For every time I sat in tears
For the million ways you hurt me
I just want to tell you this
You broke my world, made me strong
Thank you'

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People who are happy have learned to let go into their own heart…….Forgiveness.

Similarly, holding onto guilt is that same piece of burning, hot coal in my hand, and it’s been there for 20 years. I emotionally hurt someone in my mid 20s, post abusive relationship. (I wasn’t in a good place mentally, I now realise, as I hadn’t acknowledged and, in my mind, healed from the extent of the domestic abuse endured.) So I ended up hurting a truly decent man, one of the kindest men you’ll ever wish to meet. And I’ve carried around that guilt for 20 years. That doesn’t serve me either, to carry that heavy weight on my shoulders so contracting this disease has helped me release it. Life’s too short. 

So, for this…..I forgive myself. And that’s liberating too.

The only place the past exists is in my mind. It is no longer happening to me. I chose to keep these two polar opposite thoughts and feelings in my mind. But no more! WOW…..that feels good. 

You see, I believe our minds are causing all our suffering. If we can shift our minds then we will shift our life and what happens in our lifetime.

How low you’ve gone is how high you rise. OH MY WORD….in which case I am SO looking forward to rising. Thank you, thank you, thank you for what’s happened to me in my life and what is currently happening to me. It has all been, and will be, one of the greatest blessings in life. 

#belikeabbie

#inmymindimalreadyhealed

#futurecancersurvivor