Crikey me!!! Have you ever wondered about whether or not your face is normal, in proportion and symmetrical? Hmmmm…..probably not. I can’t imagine you’re as weird or as over analytical as me!
It’s only when you end up with no head hair and very little in the way of eyebrows that you actually notice these things that would ordinarily pass you by. It becomes more apparent when there’s almost a blank canvas with which to work, that perhaps all is not ‘normal’ on the face front! Dissymmetrical, wonky and lopsided are the words that spring to mind.
Let me explain what the hell I’m going on about. 🤣 One morning as I was going about my daily morning routine of getting showered, dressed, preparing myself for the day ahead, makeup at the ready, I had noticed that my eyebrows decided to go AWOL, not completely gone but almost non-existent. How very dare they! I mean, as if having Cancer isn’t bad enough, right? But your eyebrows then screaming ‘hey, we’re off mate, we can’t cope with sticking around to feel the effects of this bloody chemo, it’s hurting us!’ I know it’s unpleasant, dear eyebrows, but hell, keep me company whilst I’m going through it, won’t you?! Did you not stop to think that I might actually need the emotional support? You could have stuck around and ‘held my hand’ through this sh*t time but no….you go and ‘do one’. Well, thank you very much for your support guys!
And to add salt to the wound, to make matters far worse, I noticed that my eyelashes have joined my eyebrows in their swift exit out of there. Bloody charmin’! Oddly, only on one eye. I’ve got more lashes on my left eye than my right, so it looks even more odd! Damn you chemo, now I really do look a bit strange. Help! Here’s where I make the sensible decision to apply double the amount of mascara to just that one eye with less lashes, to try and make it all look a bit more even when I look in the mirror, or when I bump into people I know for a chat. If I didn’t do this, it could be a situation of those people looking at me, racking their brains to work out what is different about my ‘boat race!’
So, my eyebrows and my eyelashes deciding to sod off was the last nail in the coffin. Oh dear, maybe not the most appropriate term to use under the current circumstances. Sorry….that’s pretty sick isn’t it? I apologise. On that note though, I did have a very fleeting thought about what kind of coffin my family would choose for me. An entirely natural thought eh? Oh god….no….quick, change the subject! It’s really not funny though. Absolutely not something to quip about. Me thinks I’ve taken the joking just that bit too far!! Sorry….forgive me.
Anyway, back to the point. Without eyebrows, we do look a bit strange, don’t we?
They certainly define the eyes quite a lot don’t they? Without them our face looks a bit bare near the hairline. Don’t you agree they make a difference?
So, on noticing my eyebrows had pretty much gone completely, I selected my eyebrow pencil from my makeup bag and got to work to try and create a look that was presentable using the very helpful guide below to help me determine where to pencil in……
…only to notice, on scrutinisation….hold on, what’s wrong with my face? My nose doesn’t appear to be central on my face. It’s very odd! So when I then proceeded to pencil in some eyebrows I was finding it increasingly difficult to ‘get it right’ because my nose isn’t where it should be. Or is that my eyes aren’t where they should be? Am I making sense? Maybe not. You’re most likely wondering ‘what the actual f**k is Abbie going on about?! It’s difficult to explain so, if you will, Google can give you a more comprehensive explanation. And it seems it has actually been a talked about topic. And there it was, in black and white….the facts (well, the reliable facts from The Sun newspaper!) speak for themselves, staring me hard in the lopsided face. One word enveloped me…..Devastated! I was being well and truly smacked hard in my eyebrow and eyelash deprived face! Hmmmm….Google, you used to be my friend. You’ve always been quite helpful and informative. But this time, we have fallen out big time….and quite spectacularly. Can our ‘relationship’ come back from this? Is it salvageable? You’ve cheated on me, let me down and I’m heartbroken! Will we ever get back to where we were before you truly hurt my feelings and sent me crashing down?
I quote…. ‘Science claims that the most beautiful people have faces that are totally symmetrical.’ So there you have it, that’s not me. Not that I ever thought I was beautiful. Hold on though…my Mum might disagree with that comment. Our Mums all think their own children are the most beautiful little people on this earth. Actually I don’t even think that’s true in this case. I looked a bit like Swee’pea from Popeye when I was a baby! And when I was in my late teens I had THE most ridiculous hairstyle, my fringe standing up straight, rock hard with hairspray. Why did nobody tell me this at the time? I mean, my loved ones let me go out in public like that. The shame, the embarrassment! To be fair though, for those other people more so than me. I was totally oblivious because I was blinkered to how I looked, thinking my hairstyle looked bloody awesome. Anyway, they’re bad, they were the ones who had to be seen in public with me. 🤣.
I continued to read on and see what the ‘very reliable’ Sun newspaper had to say next…..‘Facial symmetry is also linked to agreeableness, extraversion and conscientiousness, so good looking people generally find it easier to make friends and hold down jobs.’ Well that’s me f***ed! Ha ha! No hope for me in this world. I may as well give up now. No point in ever striking up friendships or going for another interview. Computer says ‘NO!’
According to The Sun, ‘Kim Kardashian’s face doesn’t seem particularly different whether its flipped to the left or right. No wonder she can’t stop taking selfies.’ (Ooh and look….copied and pasted….notice that The Sun newspaper article writer had used ‘its’ instead of ‘it’s’ just now….tut tut!).
Hmmmmm….Kim K has got one over on me. I bet I’ve got a smaller bottom though…..ha!
The Sun goes on to say, ‘Holly Willoughby’s face is perfectly imperfect. We are used to seeing Holly’s gorgeous smile every day on This Morning but these pictures prove her beauty is the sum of her perfectly different-sided visage.’
Ok, Google, you’ve redeemed yourself. That makes me feel better about myself. We can be friends again. We’ve kissed and made up. All is forgiven. Wahoo….I’m saved! There was me thinking I looked like this……
……although on closer inspection, Sloth from The Goonies has got bloody eyebrows!
Moral of the story, people, embrace your perfectly imperfect look. And don’t, whatever you do, go and shave off your hair and your eyebrows just to find out which bracket you fall into! Symmetrical or dissymmetrical. (Is dissymmetrical even a word? Too late….I’ve written the blog. I can’t change it now. Can’t and won’t. I’m known for making up my own words anyway…’mahoosive’ was a word I made up once to describe my sister when she was 9 months pregnant).
I’ve digressed…..AGAIN!! I’m always doing that aren’t I?
Anyway……..#contentbeingmewhateverilooklike#belikeabbie#baldandproud#myhairwillgrowback#aswillmyeyebrows 😁
Abbie’s Boobie Blog 