Tag: Breast Cancer treatment

Categories
Breast Cancer Recovery

Thank you Cancer, You Picked the Right Girl!

An odd, possibly slightly controversial, sentence to see written before you, right? I bet you blinked twice and repeated it to yourself again thinking you’d read it wrong the first time. Some may think I’ve gone stark raving mad, think I’m deluded. In fact, I imagine many of you would think that. And I wouldn’t blame you. ‘She’s delusional!’ I hear you say. ‘She’s bloody bonkers’ I see your lips mutter. No judgment please folks….hear me out if you will.

Have you ever wondered why you get so much shit landing in your lap? Why bad stuff happens to you? Why you feel like you’ve done wrong in a past life and life says: ‘here, have this crap to deal with and while you’re at it, dearest current life, whilst you’re here, add a shed load of shit shavings on top of that won’t you!’

Well, my life has been and continues to be pretty good if the truth be known. I have had my fair share of rubbish times though, domestic violence/physical and mental abuse inflicted on me, that leading to depression, loss of three friends in car accidents, grief of loved ones, baby loss, a challenging (yet now adorable) child in his early years before an Autism diagnosis was handed to him, and then, to top it off…..’effing’ breast cancer. 

But…..have you ever been so peaceful about life’s process? The ‘road map’ of life that’s been handed to you. Do we understand why certain crappy happenings have been sent our way, handed to us to cope with? ‘Aaaaaaahhhhhhh I know why’ I say to myself, I understand why I had to endure what I’ve had to, which is far less than most have had to deal with. I know precisely why…..it’s all to make me stronger, to give me the fight and confidence I was lacking, to let me know I can overcome anything if I put my mind to it. I get it now. 

The latest challenge might have taken my right boob away from me forever, but I am thankful this challenge gave me a clearer general perspective. And it may have taken the majority of my fingernails but they’ve grown back now. And the life challenge I mention may have taken my hair for a short while too but hey, it’s growing back and it’ll look how I want it to look soon enough. And I wonder as it grows whether it’ll be better quality than before it decided to go AWOL because it was in shocking condition before. Dry and brittle from being subjected to too much heat from straightening irons. 

‘So, let’s start a fresh, shall we?’ my life plan proclaimed. ‘Let’s give this particular human being a reason to start over again. Begin life again with a clean slate.’

So, my advice is this if it’s worth anything……always give love to what tries to take you down, tries to ruin you and trust that all that comes to you is meant to for your own self development. 

If you don’t LOVE the life you lead you’ll always find yourself trying to re-boot the computer images in your mind…….

*Technical Support:*

Yes, how can I help you?

*Customer:*

Well, after much consideration, I’ve decided to install Love. Could you guide me through the process please?

*Tech Support:*

Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

*Customer:*

Well, I’m not very technical, but I think I’m ready. What do I do first?

*Tech Support:*

The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart?

*Customer:*

Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it ok to install Love while they are running?

*Tech Support:*

What programs are running?

*Customer:*

Let’s see….I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudges, and Resentment running right now.

*Tech Support:*

No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudges and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

*Customer:*

I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

*Tech Support:*

With pleasure. Go to your start menu and select Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudges and Resentment have been completely erased.

*Customer:*

Ok, done! Love has started installing itself. Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error – Program not run on external components.” What should I do?

*Tech Support:*

Don’t worry. In non technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others. Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive Self, Realise Your Worth, and Acknowledge your limitations. Then the update is complete and everything will run smoothly from now on. 

……And THAT, dear readers, is how I got over Breast Cancer. I forgave it for coming to me. For me, it’s now not ‘F*ck You Cancer, you picked the wrong girl!’ It’s ‘Thank you Cancer, you picked the right girl!’ 

#belikeabbie

Categories
Uncategorized

My Cancer diagnosis-iversary!


It’s exactly one year on and….well….I’m still here! 🙏🏻
This very day, one year ago, 3rd December 2020, at precisely 3.30pm, I heard the words ‘I’m sorry to tell you, you have breast cancer’. My day was a happy one until that moment. I have to be honest, I walked into my scheduled hospital appointment in complete denial. Then my whole world shattered in an instant. A click of the fingers and your life flashes before your very eyes. I looked around the room for support and comfort…..none. But I knew that anyway. There was no-one there with me because of Covid, not because nobody offered to accompany me. I had to attend the appointment alone. To hear that devastating news whilst by yourself is soul crushing and scary. Did I know at the time that I would be one of the lucky ones to survive this horrible disease? My prognosis was good so I discovered later. But in that moment, on hearing my diagnosis, all that flashed before my very eyes was the possibility of a shortened life. 

If I were to have written a letter to myself, say, a few years prior to that moment in the hospital room, quiet enough to hear a pin drop, my heavy sobs the only sound, these are the words I’d have used when putting pen to paper….. 


Dear Abbie,

There will come a time in your life, in the not too distant future, when you will be presented with something that is going to shake your world, turn it upside down a bit. A word of warning…..be prepared! It’s going to be a rough ride. Hold on to the ‘hand rails’ and don’t let go. Don’t you dare let go. Do your best to grip tightly, taking note, having an awareness of why it’s landed in your lap and learning valuable lessons as you navigate through the difficult time.


It’ll be a happening in your life that will test your strength and your sanity, try and rob you of your life, quite literally. It will try and put a stop to your very existence in this physical world, attempt to make you buckle or wilt under the pressure, the pain and the heartache. It’s a disease that will end up taking your hair for a short time and one of your breasts so that your body will never be quite the same again. Learn to accept and love your new body anyway….you must. Promise me you will.


This body of yours will be filled with strong drugs to try and kill the disease before it kills you. Your body will be weak at times but be sure to keep your mind strong. You will have to work on doing this every day without fail. This will ensure that you drop kick this disease and boot it into touch. You will beat it in style and shout loud and proud ‘F**k You Cancer, you lost, you did not beat me’. You will take a bow when it has been defeated and the ‘war is won’. Pat yourself on the back. You will, however, always remember the people you have known in your life who this disease did defeat and hold them in your thoughts. 


Through all of this, the struggle and the sadness, you will learn important life lessons though, which you will take as a positive. You will discover that you are stronger than you think you are, you are worthy of living a good and happy life, you are important enough to still take up space in this world. It will not take you down because you didn’t give it permission to do so.


You will learn to respect yourself, look in the mirror and be comfortable with what you see. You will realise it came to you to teach you not to sweat the small stuff in life. You will then live unapologetically with confidence knowing in your heart of hearts that you are a better person for it; different, that is true, but better. It will bring you some sadness along the way but you will come out fighting and know that it came to show you that life is worth living and it will be a happy one at that. 


You will then share your learnings. In sharing your life, your journey, and being an ‘open book’, the main reason being to try and help others overcome any kind of adversity with a particular way of thinking and feeling, you will welcome mixed opinions and some might judge, saying “why is she so ‘out there?’”, others finding solace and comfort in your honesty and upfront approach. You will be ok with this as you know you’re sharing your journey for the right reasons….to guide others in believing they, too, can overcome life’s challenges with the correct mindset and showing them to look for the joy in life, search for those silver linings. Because you know they are there if you only choose to look for them and you wish for others to realise this for themselves.


You will gain confidence knowing that if you can beat cancer, you can try your darnedest to conquer anything life throws at you. You will think to yourself, ‘I am enough’ without anyone’s validation. You will succeed and will live to tell the tale. 


Good luck!  And when the time comes, show that ‘effing’ disease who is boss. Acknowledge and accept that there will be days where you’re not coping well and that’s fine. Allow them to be there, work through them knowing they will not last. Stay strong in your belief to overcome this period of your life. I know you can do this. Do yourself proud! 

Love Abbie

Categories
Uncategorized

Cancer……I Win!

It’s time for a ‘CELEBRATION!’ 🍾 And ‘ABBIE’ is going to celebrate hard and in style and here’s why! (You know how much I LOVE an acronym). 😄 

Ok, so one of the ABBIE acronyms doesn’t quite work, but hell….who cares?!
The ‘not so big C’ has left the building, been evicted !!! I WIN! Cancer, you lose! Well…..let’s face it. The b****** cells didn’t stand a chance did they? 💪🙌

So, my latest MRI results……From a 10cm grapefruit in my ‘Brad Pitt’ and in many, many lymph nodes, to a pea! Not even that. “A ghosting of cancerous cells is left” my surgeon says.

YIPPEE!!!!!!! 

Do you believe in the power of the subconscious mind…? The power of words? In the power of what we say and how we speak to ourselves affects our lives? Can have a positive effect on our physiology? Do you believe in what we think about, we bring about? That we can shape our lives JUST by what we think, believe, see and FEEL in our minds and hearts? I DO!! 

Well….thinking about what my parents would always say to us growing up ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’

It works my friends! I asked, or rather, I told myself these very words and that’s precisely what happened. 

Yes, the chemotherapy treatment has worked very well over the last four months and the tumour responded amazingly; I also strongly believe my optimistic frame of mind had a part to play in this fantastic result (over 10cm sized tumour to practically nothing!)

Thank you very much for paying me a short visit little, insignificant C….DON’T COME BACK please, you’re not welcome! You’ve done your job. You may have taken away my hair, my hope (only for a short period), but you didn’t take my life, you helped me lose weight, you saved me money from not going out, you gave me a reason to start writing a blog, you helped me raise money for the charity, Cancer Hair Care, you gave me life perspective, you gave me a reason to be bold, strong, INVINCIBLE! 

Cancer put that in your pipe and smoke it….MATE! Well, you’re not my mate really but I do thank you for teaching me life-long lessons. 

I’m sorry though (well I’m not really sorry)…..It’s time to say Goodbye, Adios, Au revoir, Ta-ra (certainly not TTFN!), Sayonara, Arrivederci, Ciao, off you trot, or shall I say off ya f***! (Sorry Mum and Dad for all the swearing but I’M ECSTATIC so please allow me to shout from the rooftops with a few expletives!)

So, I am revelling in the fact that I am walking around pretty much CANCER FREE now!

And thank YOU my supporters, my champions for believing in me and backing me. 

So, my surgeon, ‘Angel Zoe’….I call her Angel Zoe as she seems to have floated down into my life, into my existence, with her angelic presence, the sparkly, white, HUGE, angel wings and perfectly round halo that sits above her head….has taken the stress away from me regarding the surgery that I still need (why? You may wonder because if there’s almost no cancer cells left then why is a mastectomy needed rather than a lumpectomy. I’ll explain why later on). Angel Zoe has given me hope. Did she come from nowhere? Hmmmm…..I actually think not. Zoe came into my life with a solution to my problem because I sought additional answers. And because of where I stand with my current strong mindset, I believe that people and situations come into your life and solve issues, sort everything out, show you life can be straightforward, can be what you wish for. Life can be simple, never easy, but simple, if you give it the respect of trusting it and trusting its process. 

And check this out…..on researching ‘Angel Zoe’, before letting her loose with a scalpel on my right boob, I googled her, (as you do) and LOOK! Look what I found……

“Zoe Barber (that’s my surgeon) travelled to Los Angeles to visit Project AngelFood for 6 weeks. Project AngelFood is a non-profit organisation that prepares, cooks and delivers meals to those battling critical illness. Their aim is to provide comfort and nutrition at a time of significant financial, physical and emotional need.  

Since its inception in 1989, Project AngelFood has delivered almost 9 million meals to over 15,000 people, a testament to the Agency’s ability to implement and sustain a successful home-delivered food and nutrition program over the last 25 years.

Project AngelFood was founded in 1989 by Marianne Williamson. 

Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson and David Kessler held the first fundraiser, bringing in $11,000.”

WOW!!!!! I gave her the title ‘Angel Zoe’ before even knowing any of this. She really IS an Angel. Let’s hope she does a good job on my ‘Lady Lump’! I don’t want to have to retract her title! 

So, yes, my cancer free news is wonderfully bitter sweet as I still need the mastectomy and this is booked for Wednesday 12th May. A 3.5-hour operation, one ‘nork’ taken off and replaced with an imposter. Ok….so, not really an imposter but not real if you get my drift. But at least it’ll make me feel more symmetrical and less lopsided. AND most importantly no cancer will be residing in my body anymore. I still need the mastectomy as it all needs to go under a microscope to get checked out. (And by all, I mean my boobie and its lymph node neighbours). Also, if I want to be surer that the cancer doesn’t return. No thank you very much. So bring it on Angel Zoe. Do your thing. Take away rogue titty, be gone with it and those nasty, horrible cells that once were. 

Once I’ve recovered from this surgery, when I’ve slept upright for a few weeks (and this shouldn’t be a problem for me, dear readers. Do you recall me saying in a previous blog that I once fell asleep standing upright on a train holding onto one of those things you grab hold of that hang down from the train ceiling? I’m sure they have a name. Anyone know?). So, after I’m all better and all healed, new boob in situ, it’ll be a course of radiotherapy which I’m assured, by many who have gone through it, is a breeze compared to chemotherapy. Hit me with it! 

So, going back to the image of me saying my daily affirmation in the mirror, where I would state those words of conviction looking at myself, my intention to stay strong, determined to feel good through this torrid time, and come out the other side with a non cancerous body…..my wish was my command! Just like the genie in the lamp when Aladdin rubbed it. I rubbed my lamp and what was delivered to me was exactly what I asked for….healthy boob cells and a healed body. 

After the two-week period, post diagnosis, during which I actually thought I could die, I made a choice and that choice was simple….I didn’t want to be a victim to cancer. I took control of how I view the situation. The imagination is invaluable. What you imagine is what becomes your reality. I imagined my future to be bright, my life to be a full one, the possibilities were endless in my mind. And there’s only one explanation for that….CHOICE!

There was little point in being angry about it all and showing bitterness to the situation because “The best fighter is never angry”. My overcoming attitude and my unwavering belief, my optimistic mindset has indeed helped me reach my end goal, which is my healing, but it has also helped me to feel relaxed along the way. And cope well with the crap that kept coming my way.

The last thing I wanted to do was to wallow, I didn’t imagine I would be fun to be around if I was a wallower and I didn’t want people to feel drained if they came to see me. Didn’t want anyone to walk away wishing they’d not bothered to visit because I was so miserable about my situation. 

How do YOU see yourself? Do you recognise whether you are a Drain or a Radiator? By that I mean, do you think people leave your company feeling drained of energy or radiated with love? 

In the same vein, are you a Sapper or a Zapper? Do people feel sapped of energy being around you or zapped to another level of energetic loveliness? What choice will you make?

I’m not saying I am always fun to be around but certainly, during this stage in my life, I didn’t want to be a drain on people, on myself. Because it’s what it says on the tin……it’s draining! Why would I want to drain my own energy thinking about the negatives of Cancer? I needed my positive energy to heal, to get through the gruesome chemo treatment. I needed to channel my energy and focus on getting well rather than thinking about using my energy on moaning and complaining about how awful it is that I’d got cancer. 

I needed to be upbeat to cope with the never ending hospital appointments. I needed to smile through the tears that DID come…. a lot. Because I’m human and do often get ‘those down days’.

My skin may have bruised easily but my WILL and fight did not.

My body may have tired but my spirit never did.

My body may have seen limitations but my mind and spirit never did.

My body may have experienced tension, pain, disease but my spirit never did.

In my mind I was already healed. In my mind, I pictured perfect health. 

And now look what I got, folks! A healed body. Do you think you’ve got what it takes to overcome anything? All it takes is CHOICE. Choose to say ‘yes’. It’s that simple. 

#belikeabbie

Categories
Making a Difference

The Fabulous Force of Boldness and Courage…in Animal Print!

Have you ever thought in detail about the difference between Conceit and Confidence? It’s a fine line, isn’t it? I’m sure you all know some people who hold their head waaaaaaaay above yours, looking down on you as if to say ‘Oh dear, look at you down there, kissing my feet, probably wishing you were up here with me, gliding through life’, and he or she is regarding everyone through his or her self-assured, self-important beady eyes, spending a lot of the time polishing his/her own imaginary halo, donning his/her fake smile, accepting, with big headedness, every compliment you wish to give them and choosing to add a few ‘I am bloody amazing’s’ in there too! The type of person who has no regard for anyone else but their own self inflated ego thinking that everyone actually wants to be them. Errrr…..no thank you.
That’s conceit, right? Self-adulation, vanity to a fault, arrogance, cockiness, being overconfident.

Whereas confidence, or self-confidence, I believe to be self-love, not the same love for self like Mr or Ms Cocky pants over there, more of a healthy self-respect, complete trust in oneself, belief in one’s ability, accepting oneself just as they are.

So, I just have to tell you about the fabulous force of this bold, courageous and confident woman I encountered on the day of my Chemotherapy treatment #5. I was sat in my ‘chemo chair’, wondering what to do next. Would I decide to watch something on my tablet, write more of my blogs, listen to some music, keep listening to the poor chap opposite me who, love him, was informing the nurse of how awful his life is and how he really is experiencing so much anguish? (I felt for him….and the nurse). Or would I decide to respond to well-wishers, text my Mum to say that I love and miss her, message my Dad to tell him that I love and miss him, What’s App my sister to tell her she rocks, she inspires me every day and that I love and miss her, text my friend to tell her she also rocks, and I love her, text my chemo buddy from the last session to see how she’s feeling, text the neighbour’s dog’s puppy to tell it…..a-hem…..I could go on and on!!!!!! (Hey readers, am I normal? Don’t answer that! Sometimes, I actually wonder whether I am sane when I go off on all these weird tangents in my head like this…..hee hee!)

Let me just say at this point, chemo wards are quite surreal really. It’s ever such a welcoming environment. The first ward I was in only had four chairs strategically placed around the room, so quite small really, and a couple of other booths in which you sit on your own. The last ward I was in, there were, I’d say, 14 chairs, and all the patients are sat there, rigged up to their intravenous drips, some patients minding their own business, others conversing with the people next to them, but all of us with an odd expression on our faces, some not quite looking others in the eye, head slightly facing down so as not to be caught looking directly into the eyes of the next person, a knowing on our slightly pale faces that we’ve all got cancer!! We’re all there because we are attempting to, with the help of the necessary equipment, and Dorothy Drip Stand holding her bags of liquid poison, kill off the bastard cells that have invaded our bodies and are attempting to shorten our lives. I don’t know, maybe there’s an element of us all thinking in our minds, ‘I wonder whether you over there, opposite me, three chairs down, will survive this’ or ‘I wonder who you’d leave behind if this horrible disease took you down’. Gosh….how morbid but I won’t lie, it does cross your mind. And then when the few hours of drug administration is over, I say my goodbyes, waving, saying “see ya next time” (for this god-awful experience that nobody really wishes they had to endure). To be fair, it’s not that bad, once the needle is in, you’re just sitting there having a jolly, wondering what to do to pass the time away. It’s quite nice to just stop and sit still rather than be in the rat race of your life that is usually happening around you on a day-to-day basis. See? I’m always looking for those silver linings aren’t I? Tick….another one found!

Anyway, back to the actual point I was making! I had settled on watching some live music on my phone, seeing as I’m missing that part of my life so much and….in walks, sorry….in strides a lady with purpose, heading to her designated ‘chemo chair’ with confidence and panache. Wearing animal print trousers, tigers printed on her loose fitting blouse, fabulously high-heeled boots in red. (I would certainly fall flat on my face if I wore those), and dark glasses, a brilliantly coiffured, cropped, short hairstyle, tinted blonde. She was carrying a designer handbag and swaying from her ear lobes were ridiculously large gold hoop earrings…..WOW……AMAZING! She was totally rocking it. And there’s something to be said in that.

I could tell straight away that she has an unwavering faith and belief that Cancer is not going to bring her down. There was no doubt, in her mind, that she was already healed. I bet she tells herself this like I do.

Now, some people might look at her and think ‘who does she think she is?’ Well, not me, I thought she was fantastic and looked awesome, and I told her so, ‘you look fabulous!’ I said with enthusiasm. And I followed it up with, ‘you’re going to kick cancer’s arse just like me, aren’t you?’ I don’t think I need to tell you what her reply was. You can guess. And she responded to me with absolute conviction in her voice. 

The thing is, she knew what she wanted. She has cancer, like me, but she had a purposeful demeanour displaying courage, fight and belief that this horrible disease would not beat her and will not take her down. It will absolutely not dictate to her.

THAT, my friends, is the only way to be! The only way to cope with this disease. I applaud her.

One thing having a rogue boob has taught me is to have a renewed sense of self-confidence. Confidence has always been, and you may not believe this about me being a singer and performer, one of my ‘things’. One of the aspects I struggle with. My knees knock and my heart pounds before every live performance. I guess it’s because I’m a perfectionist and love to do a good job. But since having cancer, I’ve almost been forced into learning to have more self-confidence because I figured, what choice do I have? Now that doesn’t mean that my new- found confidence will turn into conceit, not ever because that’s not in my makeup. I’m not built that way. 

After shaving my head, it took me a few days to be comfortable at looking at myself in the mirror, to be ok with who was staring back at me. It’s such a shock to the system to see such a huge change in one’s appearance. Why, just because I’ve got naughty boobie cells in situ, which meant my hair fell out, should I dislike what I see in the mirror? We’ve all got aspects of our bodies we dislike, haven’t we? Before this, it was my thighs and my bottom, which are a bit flabby it has to be said. Although since being diagnosed with cancer, I’ve lost some weight and these areas are not quite so flabby……hoorah! Thank you, Cancer, I am grateful to you.


So, I now concentrate on the things I do like about myself. And some people say I have a nice mouth, a nice smile, so I concentrate on that instead and the other aspects of my body that I tended to be unhappy about disappear or dissipate. And I often say in the mirror, “I love and approve of myself”. Try it….see how it changes your perception of your so-called flaws. They tend not to be flaws over time.

And let’s face it, this is going to be so important when I look at myself in the mirror with a scar where my breast once was. As a woman, who cares about her appearance, (well it is my work after all, in beauty, and being on show, so to speak, in the entertainments’ industry), how will this affect my self-confidence? Cue that positive self talk and mind chatter. Let it be my superpower and let it whirl through my mind with fabulous, purposeful force ….just like animal-print trouser lady.

I’ve got this, people. I will own this new territory, this new fight…..you won’t see it for dust! But I’ll have to work hard, I feel. Work hard to see through that scar to my heart, which is always full of love. 

#belikeabbie    

Categories
Uncategorized

The Disturbing Moment When you Realise your Face is Lopsided!


Crikey me!!! Have you ever wondered about whether or not your face is normal, in proportion and symmetrical? Hmmmm…..probably not. I can’t imagine you’re as weird or as over analytical as me! 

It’s only when you end up with no head hair and very little in the way of eyebrows that you actually notice these things that would ordinarily pass you by. It becomes more apparent when there’s almost a blank canvas with which to work, that perhaps all is not ‘normal’ on the face front! Dissymmetrical, wonky and lopsided are the words that spring to mind.

Let me explain what the hell I’m going on about. 🤣 One morning as I was going about my daily morning routine of getting showered, dressed, preparing myself for the day ahead, makeup at the ready, I had noticed that my eyebrows decided to go AWOL, not completely gone but almost non-existent. How very dare they! I mean, as if having Cancer isn’t bad enough, right? But your eyebrows then screaming ‘hey, we’re off mate, we can’t cope with sticking around to feel the effects of this bloody chemo, it’s hurting us!’ I know it’s unpleasant, dear eyebrows, but hell, keep me company whilst I’m going through it, won’t you?! Did you not stop to think that I might actually need the emotional support? You could have stuck around and ‘held my hand’ through this sh*t time but no….you go and ‘do one’. Well, thank you very much for your support guys! 

And to add salt to the wound, to make matters far worse, I noticed that my eyelashes have joined my eyebrows in their swift exit out of there. Bloody charmin’! Oddly, only on one eye. I’ve got more lashes on my left eye than my right, so it looks even more odd!  Damn you chemo, now I really do look a bit strange. Help! Here’s where I make the sensible decision to apply double the amount of mascara to just that one eye with less lashes, to try and make it all look a bit more even when I look in the mirror, or when I bump into people I know for a chat. If I didn’t do this, it could be a situation of those people looking at me, racking their brains to work out what is different about my ‘boat race!’ 


So, my eyebrows and my eyelashes deciding to sod off was the last nail in the coffin. Oh dear, maybe not the most appropriate term to use under the current circumstances. Sorry….that’s pretty sick isn’t it? I apologise. On that note though, I did have a very fleeting thought about what kind of coffin my family would choose for me. An entirely natural thought eh? Oh god….no….quick, change the subject! It’s really not funny though. Absolutely not something to quip about. Me thinks I’ve taken the joking just that bit too far!! Sorry….forgive me. 

Anyway, back to the point. Without eyebrows, we do look a bit strange, don’t we? 



They certainly define the eyes quite a lot don’t they? Without them our face looks a bit bare near the hairline. Don’t you agree they make a difference?


So, on noticing my eyebrows had pretty much gone completely, I selected my eyebrow pencil from my makeup bag and got to work to try and create a look that was presentable using the very helpful guide below to help me determine where to pencil in……



…only to notice, on scrutinisation….hold on, what’s wrong with my face? My nose doesn’t appear to be central on my face. It’s very odd! So when I then proceeded to pencil in some eyebrows I was finding it increasingly difficult to ‘get it right’ because my nose isn’t where it should be. Or is that my eyes aren’t where they should be? Am I making sense? Maybe not. You’re most likely wondering ‘what the actual f**k is Abbie going on about?! It’s difficult to explain so, if you will, Google can give you a more comprehensive explanation. And it seems it has actually been a talked about topic. And there it was, in black and white….the facts (well, the reliable facts from The Sun newspaper!) speak for themselves, staring me hard in the lopsided face. One word enveloped me…..Devastated! I was being well and truly smacked hard in my eyebrow and eyelash deprived face! Hmmmm….Google, you used to be my friend. You’ve always been quite helpful and informative. But this time, we have fallen out big time….and quite spectacularly. Can our ‘relationship’ come back from this? Is it salvageable?  You’ve cheated on me, let me down and I’m heartbroken! Will we ever get back to where we were before you truly hurt my feelings and sent me crashing down? 


I quote…. ‘Science claims that the most beautiful people have faces that are totally symmetrical.’ So there you have it, that’s not me. Not that I ever thought I was beautiful. Hold on though…my Mum might disagree with that comment. Our Mums all think their own children are the most beautiful little people on this earth. Actually I don’t even think that’s true in this case. I looked a bit like Swee’pea from Popeye when I was a baby! And when I was in my late teens I had THE most ridiculous hairstyle, my fringe standing up straight, rock hard with hairspray. Why did nobody tell me this at the time? I mean, my loved ones let me go out in public like that. The shame, the embarrassment! To be fair though, for those other people more so than me. I was totally oblivious because I was blinkered to how I looked, thinking my hairstyle looked bloody awesome. Anyway, they’re bad, they were the ones who had to be seen in public with me. 🤣.


I continued to read on and see what the ‘very reliable’ Sun newspaper had to say next…..‘Facial symmetry is also linked to agreeableness, extraversion and conscientiousness, so good looking people generally find it easier to make friends and hold down jobs.’ Well that’s me f***ed! Ha ha! No hope for me in this world. I may as well give up now. No point in ever striking up friendships or going for another interview. Computer says ‘NO!’


According to The Sun, ‘Kim Kardashian’s face doesn’t seem particularly different whether its flipped to the left or right. No wonder she can’t stop taking selfies.’ (Ooh and look….copied and pasted….notice that The Sun newspaper article writer had used ‘its’ instead of ‘it’s’ just now….tut tut!).



Hmmmmm….Kim K has got one over on me. I bet I’ve got a smaller bottom though…..ha! 


The Sun goes on to say, ‘Holly Willoughby’s face is perfectly imperfect. We are used to seeing Holly’s gorgeous smile every day on This Morning but these pictures prove her beauty is the sum of her perfectly different-sided visage.’



Ok, Google, you’ve redeemed yourself. That makes me feel better about myself. We can be friends again. We’ve kissed and made up. All is forgiven. Wahoo….I’m saved! There was me thinking I looked like this……


……although on closer inspection, Sloth from The Goonies has got bloody eyebrows! 

Moral of the story, people, embrace your perfectly imperfect look. And don’t, whatever you do, go and shave off your hair and your eyebrows just to find out which bracket you fall into! Symmetrical or dissymmetrical. (Is dissymmetrical even a word? Too late….I’ve written the blog. I can’t change it now. Can’t and won’t. I’m known for making up my own words anyway…’mahoosive’ was a word I made up once to describe my sister when she was 9 months pregnant).
I’ve digressed…..AGAIN!! I’m always doing that aren’t I?


Anyway……..#contentbeingmewhateverilooklike#belikeabbie#baldandproud#myhairwillgrowback#aswillmyeyebrows 😁