Already healed – Abbie’s Boobie Blog

WARNING! This blog update contains the controversial and downright incorrect, wrong and rude hashtag #dontbelikeabbie…..but it is VERY IMPORTANT so please, I urge you, if you do nothing else today, read on, on what to do in the scenario #dontbelikeabbie

So, previously I’ve posted about my winning attitude towards beating this cancer. With a whole lot of honesty, a fair bit of swearing thrown in for good measure, a little bit of humour also chucked in the pot (and I hope it’s appreciated, although my 20-year-old niece, who is actually more like my twinnie, and I both think we are the only ones who laugh at each other’s humour, so it could well be falling flat with you lovely readers….c’est la vie).

Anyway, the winning attitude absolutely still stands and will always be at the forefront of my mind. For this blog post, I thought I’d do a practical account so that those of you who are interested, can be kept up to date with what’s going on with my tits! 😉

My diagnosis is that I have grade 3 invasive ductal carcinoma breast cancer, Oestrogen+.

The prognosis – I was told by a lovely friend who knows about oncology that, if breast cancer comes a-knocking, the one I’ve got is the best one to get. The most aggressive, fastest growing type of tumour meaning if the cancer cells can grow that fast they can shrink fast too with treatment….hoorah!!! First silver lining found when informed of my disease. And you know how I LOVE to look for any positives in a negative situation. This couldn’t be a better scenario. Thank you cancer, you absolute f***ing legend!

This blog post is to inspire others, no….shout loudly at others… to NOT be a martyr, not be selfless, and most definitely take action. Listen to your gut, your intuition.

So, I found a lump in December 2019 whilst ‘copping a feel’ as you do when you reach a certain age and think you should definitely be checking, checking, checking your boobs for abnormal ‘whatever’. Granted, it’s a bit more of a challenge to check anything else in the body for lumps, but your boobs stick out, some further than others, they’re still on the outside of your body, so it’s easy to do….NO EXCUSES! Now, I know the mammary glands are a bit lumpy and bumpy anyway, so you may not know what you’re feeling for but DO IT ANYWAY. If anything feels different, and you probably won’t know what ‘different’ feels like so have a good old route around, and do it often, so you GET to know what ‘different’ feels like. Do it with the tips of your fingers. Many people I’ve spoken to say they felt a lump so it could be very obvious. Keep doing it….please. And anyway, it may please some onlookers if that’s your husband or partner. Perhaps not whilst out and about or when the in-laws or Great Aunt Mildred is visiting. Mind you, that scenario could possibly go unnoticed if Mildred is not all that clued-up! Definitely don’t be doing it if Mildred has got all her faculties and is in sound mind!

Men…you need to check too, and you should be checking your more obvious ‘sticky outy’ parts, if you know what I mean? I’ve no doubt you do.

So, the lump I found in my right boob was in December 2019. In the January, I had all the tests, mammogram, ultrasound, biopsies and was sent away, told not to worry as it was benign/excess fibrous tissue, maybe a culmination of fibrous tissue, cysts etc but essentially nothing to worry about.

As you know, Covid-19 came in March of that year and Lockdown happened and by July the lump was getting bigger, so I thought something wasn’t right. But because I was told that it was nothing to worry about I didn’t go back to the Dr’s because of coronavirus….silly me! First #dontbelikeabbie

I had no idea cancers can appear and become malignant that quickly. So it took me until October to go back. Second #dontbelikeabbie

By this time, it had got bigger still and the skin was red and angry. Off I trotted to the GP whose response was ‘I’m not surprised you’re concerned, it’s more than doubled in size and is now 10 cm big! Holy crap was my initial thought. 10 cm or 4 inches is the size of a grapefruit. F************ck!!!!!

I won’t bore you with all the hospital visit details, but the tests then showed a malignant tumour. Because of Covid-19 I was by myself when I found out the ‘happy’ news. That’s just a bit sh** isn’t it, don’t you think?

#dontbelikeabbie in this scenario….LISTEN to yourself and don’t be selfless when it comes to your health. Don’t assume everything is ok if there is any shred of doubt in your mind.

You may be wondering whether I was pi**** off about being told to go away and not worry as my lump, I was told, was already 3 cm big. I have since asked this question and my January 2020 test results file have been pulled up and double checked and it was, indeed, just excess fibrous tissue and benign so I’ve had to let it go in my mind.

It’s in my lymph nodes too but luckily a CT scan showed nowhere else in the body. I found out about the cancer on 3rd December and started chemotherapy treatment straight away before Christmas as it was a 10 cm mass!!! Important to get going I reckon.

I’m told a mastectomy will be needed after the chemo, then radiotherapy then a breast reconstruction. So, I have a pretty long road ahead, but I’m positive and upbeat. It’s all just a process as in my mind I am already healed. 🙏🏻

So, I mentioned in my previous blog post, I’m undergoing a course of six chemo treatments, three of one type of drug followed by three of a different stronger drug.
I coped remarkably well with the first lot of chemo drugs (some expected side effects) On that drug, I’ve still been able to walk 4-5 miles, 3-4 times a week and done every single school run. I started the stronger drugs a couple of days ago and unfortunately had a reaction. The nurses were on it quickly. They stopped the intravenous drip, pumped a Piriton and antihistamine drip into me and a senior staff member came up to the ward to check me out. I had the necessary observations and they started the drip again but at a slower rate. All the while I was being watched like a hawk!

When the adverse reaction occurred I felt like I couldn’t take a breath properly, I had a tight chest, my head felt hot and like it would explode, then I got excruciating back pain in my lower back. All normal reactions apparently if one does react. They had oxygen nearby but I didn’t need it. I was being well looked after. I have to admit it was a bit scary! 😳 and my life flashed before me, although I remained calm and knew the nurses would have my back. I got home, got my ‘slobs/loungewear’ on and just chilled.

I still managed a smile though. Those who know me….always smiling 😊

So, this image below is par for the course every three weeks!!! 🙏🏻 more drugs/needles = less cancer. 💪🏻

And this is my companion every 3 weeks, as cumbersome as it is! I have to wheel her to the toilet whenever I go! I’ve called her Dorothy Drip Stand. 🤣 All of this ain’t so bad when you have the right attitude and add a bit of humour into the sh*t situation.

So, that’s the latest in my world. And I am practising my victory dance for the ‘f**k you cancer, YOU LOST’ celebration. 🥳🥳🥳

#belikeabbie

So far ….

For those of you who know anything about chemotherapy drugs, I am undergoing a course of treatment which consists of six rounds of what’s known as FEC-T. Three rounds of the FEC part followed by three rounds of the T part.
I’ve already undergone the three rounds of the combination of FEC drugs. F – Fluorouracil, E – Epirubicin (the one that’s red in colour, makes your urine red (!!!) and is the drug which causes the hair loss. Crikey….if I hadn’t have been warned about the red coloured wee that would’ve scared the hell out of me thinking I was pee’ing blood as a friend of mine did when it happened to her!) and C – Cyclophosphamide. I began this course of the ‘FEC’ drugs on Friday 18th December (I’m not sure I’ll ever forget that date and Merry bloody Christmas to me!) And I am due to start three rounds of the ‘T’ drug, which is called Docetaxel, on Friday 19th February.

I have the chemo treatment once every three weeks, six times over. The first week after chemo my immune system is ‘on the floor’, the second week, slightly better, I’m told, and by the third week, I was informed that my immune system should be pretty much back up to its normal state. To then have to repeat the process all over again for another round of the chemo. This should take me to the beginning of April when I can ring the ‘end of chemo’ bell!
Some people, on the breast cancer support forums I’m part of, have said about the FEC part of the treatment ‘thank goodness it’s over, it’s been awful!’. That’s not been my experience. Granted I’ve yet to step over the threshold into the ‘Docetaxel party zone’ and having read up on the side effects of this drug, I can’t say I’m looking forward to walking through the doors to that party but hey….in my mind and as I say to myself often ….”I DEFY THE ODDS and FEEL AMAZING!!”

Anyway, back to the point. In the main, on the FEC drugs, I’ve felt fantastic. Ok, so I haven’t felt too bright on the day of the chemo itself but, let’s face it, that’s to be expected. I tend to have my chemo at 9am in the morning and have been tired and nauseous that evening and the next day I’ve felt pretty lethargic. Except after chemo#2 actually when I was violently sick 7 times that evening and through the night, into the morning. And I’ve had other usual side effects – mouth sores, achy limbs, tingling in my hands and feet (called peripheral nerve damage). I’ve sometimes had trouble thinking clearly and concentrating. Apparently this is an actual ‘thing’ and often called “chemo brain.” I’ve also experienced what’s known as phlebitis. This is where the intravenous needle can cause the vein to become inflamed, the area around the insertion site or along the vein can become red, warm, tender or painful and swollen. Lifting things can sometimes be a struggle and on chemo#3 I asked the nurse if she’d switch arms into where the needle was usually inserted to give my left hand and arm a break.

I’ve coped with all of these side effects pretty well, I’d say, and in between times I can honestly say I’ve felt positively spritely. Probably annoyingly so! I’ve mostly been chirpy, full of vitality, full of energy, adopted a determined attitude. I’ve done the school run every day, twice a day, I’ve been walking 4-5 miles, 4-5 times a week. In addition, I feel my skin is glowing, my weight has remained the same even though I’ve been given steroids, my nails feel so strong. My hair is…..oh hold on….gone!! So I can’t say that the quality of my hair is silky, smooth, shiny, luscious!!! Minor problem in the grand scheme of things….. Like I said before, less hair = less cancer! Hoorah!

So, lovely readers, do you want to know why, in my opinion, I’ve never felt better when essentially there is poison floating around my body and through my veins? Here’s why…….the simple fact is, my ATTITUDE! My attitude is in the right place. My focus is on abundance not lack, love not hate, wellness rather than illness. In my mind I am already healed.

BELIEF ITSELF SHIFTS BIOLOGY!

Talking about BELIEF. I do love an acronym so, in my mind, I see belief as:

B – Bring

E – Eternal

L – Love

I – Inner-peace

E – Eases

F – Fear

The reality you experience in life is how you see a situation, how you cope with that situation, how you see your life going, what you see in others, what you see in yourself in the mirror. So, how I see myself is who I am. If I see ‘a Cancer patient who is struggling’ that’s exactly what will reflect back at me. Instead, I see someone who is coping really rather well and that’s precisely what is happening, exactly what I am experiencing. Think of it like an echo….what you shout out in a tunnel is what you hear coming back at you. Or a boomerang, when you throw a boomerang, it eventually returns to you. LIFE is like an echo. Your experience in life is that boomerang. What you send out comes back.

I have never wanted to ‘look’ like a cancer patient so all the above was, quite frankly, all part of my plan. Apart from the bald head which is probably a give away for having cancer but hey, Sinead O’Connor chose that look. If it’s good enough for Sinead it’s good enough for me.

#belikeabbie

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