Author: abbiemummytoasdboy

I am a Mummy to a beautiful boy, with Autism Spectrum Disorder.
He brings sunshine to my life. Challenges sometimes but mainly sunshine.

I love to sing and am the singer in a piano and vocal duo, Serendipity.
(www.facebook.com/groups/serendipityduo
Instagram: @serendipity_covers_duo and @abbiesings_x) and am one of three vocalists in an 11-piece 70’s Soul, Dance and Disco function band called Platform Soul (@platformsoulband)

I am also an Independent Beauty Consultant with Mary Kay Cosmetics bringing everyone’s inner beauty to the surface with skin care and makeup workshops.

I live my life with a grateful mind and look for silver linings in any situation.
Every day I find things to be grateful for in life. There is always something......ALWAYS!

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Abbie’s Life Rules for Living….I mean REALLY living!

I didn’t die…..YES!

[She says as she punches the air] 

Below are my top tips for living a happy life no matter what you’ve got going on? Why wait? Live it now. #belikeabbie

This may take five or so minutes out of your life to read. Read on if you want to….don’t if you don’t. 

It’s a very surreal feeling to be told you have a life-threatening disease. It doesn’t sink in to start with. It’s not reality, it seems, until you have no choice but to face it. 

Yes it’s true, having cancer has changed me. And I’m not apologetic about it. Correction….it hasn’t changed ME, it’s altered my perception of life. I’m still me. What it has done has woken me up, helped me to see the beauty in life that sometimes is lost in the constant worry. When dealing with a life threatening disease an element of control of how you live your life is taken out of your hands but not how you choose to live it.

I didn’t fear death. I didn’t want it to happen, of course, but I didn’t fear it. When you are faced with the possibility of a life cut short, you see that precious life through different eyes, more appreciative eyes. You stop fretting about the insignificant, meaningless stresses in life and do what you can to make your time on this earth wonderful, harmonious and worthy, minus the shit bits. 

If a similar situation was presented to you, God forbid, wouldn’t you want to enjoy your time here on this earth to the absolute max?

My question to you is this….WHY WAIT? I pray the same doesn’t happen to you. But nevertheless, are you living your best life right now? 

My advice to anyone who wants to live their life to the full as it is NOW, I mean right now, with less worries, it’s simple, do the following:

1). Practice gratitude. Find things to be grateful for in each day. I have a gratitude buddy, two in fact, and we message each other every day with at least four things we are grateful for that happened throughout the previous day. We have been doing this for over 6 years….our gratitude list gets sent to each other every single day, without fail! This has still happened through baby loss, an aeroplane crash, spats with loved ones. Could you find yourself a ‘gratitude buddy’?

2). Appreciate nature. Get outside, fill your lungs with air, come rain or shine. So what if your hair gets wet in the rain. There is always a raincoat with a hood, a hat or an umbrella. As long as you’re prepared, it’s ok. And if you’re not prepared, go with it. What does it really matter? Notice the trees, see the colours of the different flowers. And breathe in deeply. Think how lucky you are to be able to do just that – breathe.

3). Don’t stress over the small stuff. So you’ve spilled the cocktail sticks on the floor. Or the full tub of natural yoghurt slips from your hands and splatters everywhere! Or the bag of frozen peas splits and they all fall to the floor rolling about, some ending up under the fridge. You stub your toe or bang your head. It’s not the end of the world. Pick them up, mop it up or rub it better and move on with your day. 

4). Moan less! See the world through forgiving, happy, loving eyes. See other people the same way. The world will give back forgiveness, happiness and love to you in return as will the people in it. So, I repeat….moan less. Plus, it’s far nicer to spend time with people who don’t constantly whinge! 

5). Help others more. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Make a difference. Give of yourself to others. Give your time, your love, your expertise, your shoulder, your care. Be kind and give, give, give. 

Since my breast cancer diagnosis, I have witnessed so much love and care from people and been the receiver of the most thoughtful and loving words, cards and gifts. And as for the support I have been given from my loved ones, family, friends and strangers, I will always remember this and will be forever grateful to all of these beautiful people.

6). Why stress over striving for perfection…it’s impossible. If a hair is out of place….sod it. If your tired eyes look puffy, your flabby thighs wobble through your trousers or your stretch-marked tummy stares back at you in the long mirror each morning, accept it and enjoy your day anyway. I guarantee you nobody else sees what you sometimes see in yourself. 

7). Listen to music you love. Lose yourself in the lyrics, the melody. Music is therapy. 

8). Say ‘No’ if you want and don’t feel guilty when you do say no. It’s ok to say you don’t want to do something. 

9). Have the treat. Eat the chocolate brownie, order the pizza, scoff the biscuits, indulge in the extra cupcake. And enjoy every crumb. No guilt. 

10). Love your body, no matter what flaws you think you see in the mirror. Those ‘so called’ flaws are part of you, they make up your character and the right people in your life will love them. If they don’t love them then they’re not the ‘right’ people. So, accept the cellulite on your legs, be ok with the stretch marks you have or, in my case, the one fake boob. Nobody’s perfect…..nobody. Despite what we see in the media sometimes.

11). Be mindful of the fact that your mental and emotional health is so important for emotional stability. Practice mindfulness every day including positive affirmations to yourself. Mental health = how you think. Emotional health = how you feel. Feed your mind with positive energy to achieve more of a balanced life. Think happier thoughts to feel happier. 

12). Worry less about what other people think of you. If you’re essentially good and kind and can rest your head on the pillow at night knowing this fact, that’s all that matters. What people think of you otherwise is their problem, not yours. (Axe murderers reading this, I’m not sure you’d be resting your ‘good’ head but then I can’t imagine this blog is your kind of reading material anyway!!!!)

13). Tell your loved ones you love them every time you get the chance and love them with every bit of your soul.

14). Make time for you. Have some alone time, be with your own thoughts. Do what you choose to do, once a day at least. It’s essential. Self care is a must.

15). Sometimes….just stop! Stop in the rat race of life and listen to the birds, feel the rain on your face, hear the sound of running water, stop and appreciate life and all its wonders. Because there are many. Sometimes they are just hidden. 

16). Don’t remain in a scenario that makes you miserable. A job, a dispute….be brave and walk away. Life’s too short to be unhappy in a situation. You do have the power to change it. Have the guts to do something about it. You don’t know how much time you’ve got on this earth so don’t waste it being anything but content and happy.

17). Love yourself. And I’m not talking in a conceited ‘I love myself and everyone else loves me’ kind of way but in a healthy self respect kind of way. Be brave enough to look in the mirror and love and respect who you see looking back at you. The reflection will then love and respect you back. You are worth it.

18). Make people feel important and special. Imagine an invisible sign around everyone’s neck saying just that, ‘make me feel important’. Elevate others. 

19). Be kind….always. You never know what someone is going through in their own life. 

20). Smile! One of my favourite mottos….‘Smile and the world smiles with you’. Smile at strangers. It may be that they needed to see your smile that day. And they’ll pass it on. And so on and so on. 

Life is an echo, a boomerang…what you give out is what you will get back.

21). Accept the shit bits in your past. “If you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow” (credit: a lyric from a Taylor Swift song). Accept it for what it is, accept what’s happened and move forward, evolving as a person. Live life in the present without worrying about the past or the future. 

22). Realise the power you have to create the life you want. When you realise that you created some of the crap you may be currently experiencing, you understand you have the choice to let it go. You created anger…let the rage go. You created the resentment so you can let it go. You created hatred….release it. You created [fill in the blank]….all you have to do is let it go.


23). Be you. And as long as you are respecting and being kind to others, be ok with being you. It’s ok to be you, everybody else is already taken anyway. The world needs you, know your worth.

24). Don’t let anyone control your thoughts and your life. Have your own say…..always with tact and diplomacy. Be your own person.

So, anyway, there you have it….one cancer survivor’s life advice top tips. Take it or leave it, I don’t mind. 

Living my life over the last few months has been turbulent but I’ve paid attention to how I’ve lived it; the above points I guess I already knew but have been reaffirmed to me and what I have found to be true. 

The thing about life is that it is fragile and unpredictable. It is also precious and each day is a gift.

Appreciate life every day, laugh often. And smile. Be the reason someone smiles today. It really is that simple. Do what makes your heart feel happy.

Life is what you make it. Make it a good’un. You only get one shot at it. 

#belikeabbie

#choosehappy

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Talking About Reconstruction Uncategorized

The First Time I Saw You – A Memoir to my New Boob!

The first time I looked at you in the mirror, I stopped….stood still and gasped….you gave me quite a shock. This might sound like a contradiction in terms but you looked good, you did look amazing, (it really is phenomenal what can be done with plastic surgery these days) and I’m pleased you’re here rather than not here, for the reason that you’ve replaced cancer, but you look poorly, scarred, battered and bruised, swollen and dimply. This was the morning after you were created so it’s bound to take you some time to get comfortable in your new position, get used to your new place of residence. It will take a while for you to settle in, drop into place, to look like you fit, like you belong. I know you have taken the place of cancer but I still keep asking: “What are you doing here? Why did you have to show up? Who invited you? I didn’t ask for you to be part of me.”

I didn’t have freedom of choice when it came to you. It really is an odd feeling, and I can see it’s going to take some time for me to fully accept you being here. You’ve just suddenly appeared with not too much prior warning. I’ve not been given an awful lot of time to prepare for your arrival. And now that you’re here, I ask myself, would I ever have been prepared enough? How can you prepare for something like this until it’s actually happening and you’re experiencing the emotions that come with it? 

Your counterpart before you looked more natural than you, looked different to you, felt different to you. I don’t mean to cause offence but she had more warmth, looked like she belonged. You feel numb, you feel cold, don’t have much heart and soul. 

So, today, I shed a tear, a river of tears. Head in hands….I just sobbed. Sometimes I see you and feel alright about your presence, other times I see you and don’t want to see what’s staring me in the face, I can’t look at you without feeling choked up. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” I scream!

There’s a discrepancy in my thoughts because I can’t get used to you being here yet, but I still feel a sense of wanting you to be ok and well and look less battered and bruised. In one breath I’m glad your predecessor has gone because of the first cancer cell she let in through the door, followed by its many mates that decided to join the sodding ‘cancer party’, uninvited. Why, I ask myself, do I feel that way about the old resident when she didn’t keep away those cells that tried to kill me? Why do I feel the way I do, feel such loyalty to her when she made an attempt to shorten my lovely life, tried to steal a young child’s mother, tried to take an older mother’s child, attempted to take over and control me. Why do I want my old boob back when she tried to control my life, my very existence?

And then in the next breath, I do want her back. You are not the same as her, not what I’ve been used to all these years. I mourn for the boob that once was. Am I grieving for the one I have lost? Maybe. I miss my old boob. I miss the symmetry. I miss the twin, the other half of a good pair.

Then I tell myself that change should be welcomed. I find myself saying that sometimes change is good, hard to get your head around at first, but good. It’s true to say, we soon learn to adapt, we learn to give appreciation. Out with the old, in with the new, which can sometimes be quite refreshing, right? And as a newbie on my body, in new territory, you will learn to fit in, you will get comfortable with your new surroundings. How long, though, will it take for ME to get used to you being around, to learn to adapt? I realise I have some acceptance work to do. And this is quite normal isn’t it? 

I need to keep reminding myself why you’ve come, why you’re here to stay. Why you’ve been sent as a replacement. And the answer is clear in my mind. You’re here as a reminder that I AM ALIVE!

Leading up to this pivotal point, I can’t help feeling like I had lost my power, given it away, lost control of my existence. I must take back that power, I must own my thoughts which will make everything ok. And I do have the power to choose how I see things. We all do. How we live, how we think, how we feel, how we respond to outside influences, how we react to the happenings in our lives. So, I tell myself this….I AM powerful. I have the power to choose to embrace change. And in the best way I know how. So why the resistance? Because I am human and I need time to adjust to the changes that have been presented to me. I am allowed to resist. That’s totally alright too. But with my powerful mind, I just have to choose to look forward with joy and peace in my heart.

So, the simple fact of the matter is that I need to learn to love you because you have replaced bad with good. You’re a good egg! Yes, it’s evident, you are different. But you are not less. And different is ok. I will learn to embrace you because behind the scars and the bruising, it’s where cancer once lived and no longer does. Cancer is now gone! You, my new boob, may not be the original, but you’re ‘shiny and new’. I loved my shiny, new car when it arrived (although that didn’t come out of the showroom battered and dented) so it just may not be a love at first sight feeling with you. But it will come, I will feel the same way about you. Cancer didn’t get a chance to take my body and I will see you as a boob of honour for my courage, my bravery, a sign that I have overcome a fight, a battle…a battle that I have well and truly won! 

So, the choice I now need to make is this….do I see you as an unfamiliar mound or do I see you as confirmation that I am strong, I am bold, I am awesome…..and I survived! 

Cancer came along to teach me things, teach me strength, teach me a new found overcoming attitude I never thought I possessed. I’ve overcome adversity in life before but never like this. Nothing as challenging as this. Now cancer has gone and you have taken the place of the disease, I will choose to give thanks to you for being here.

So, I WILL get through this initial phase of not seeing you as being a part of me. I will adjust to my new body shape, but I think I need to take little steps of acceptance, one process at a time. And when I have taken those little incremental steps, I will see you as a survival boob. You saved my life, and your being here will tell a story of my courage.

This is where I remind myself of the conversation I had with your predecessor before she had to be taken away:

Me: “Dodgy Boob, I’m unhappy with you, you’ve made me sad and caused me a lot of grief these last few months. 

Dodgy Boob: “I’m so sorry Abbie. I didn’t mean to.”

Me: “I didn’t ask you to give me this hassle, this pain. I used to like you, you were alright in my book before all of this. But you’ve betrayed me so now ya gotta go!”

Dodgy Boob: “I didn’t mean to let in that first unwanted nasty cancer cell. It just turned up uninvited and I didn’t have the strength to send it away. It was so persistent and insistent on staying. And then it kept bringing along its mates. There were so many of them and they totally overwhelmed me. Will you ever forgive me?”

Me: “Well….before you go, I think I can find it in my heart to forgive you. I guess it’ll be essential for me to move on. You still need to go though so I can concentrate on healing fully. But I suppose I will miss you. You have been good to me.”

Dodgy Boob: “Thank you. And again, I’m so sorry. Oh…and tell my replacement that it needs to look after you well.”

So….new boob, will you do that? Will you carry out what your predecessor has asked of you?

I am still here, living on this Earth. And if this battered, new mound I stare at in the mirror is to be part of my new life, I will learn to love you. Because you will heal, you will look like you belong. It may take a little time to adjust, it will certainly take strength of mind on my part. But I choose to view you through loving eyes.

In order to live a blissful and joyful life, that means loving everything about life including the ups and the downs, and includes loving everything about the person I am, the inside of me AND the outside of me. Because behind the bruises and the scars, my heart is beating, and my heart is still, if not even more so, full of love and gratitude. I am grateful for being a living being! And I will continue to affirm to myself….I am mentally strong! I am a whole woman and I am accepted just as I am, especially by the person in the mirror. 

Love yourself first, my friends, then you can be sure that life will love you right back. 

#belikeabbie

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Uncategorized

Cancer……I Win!

It’s time for a ‘CELEBRATION!’ 🍾 And ‘ABBIE’ is going to celebrate hard and in style and here’s why! (You know how much I LOVE an acronym). 😄 

Ok, so one of the ABBIE acronyms doesn’t quite work, but hell….who cares?!
The ‘not so big C’ has left the building, been evicted !!! I WIN! Cancer, you lose! Well…..let’s face it. The b****** cells didn’t stand a chance did they? 💪🙌

So, my latest MRI results……From a 10cm grapefruit in my ‘Brad Pitt’ and in many, many lymph nodes, to a pea! Not even that. “A ghosting of cancerous cells is left” my surgeon says.

YIPPEE!!!!!!! 

Do you believe in the power of the subconscious mind…? The power of words? In the power of what we say and how we speak to ourselves affects our lives? Can have a positive effect on our physiology? Do you believe in what we think about, we bring about? That we can shape our lives JUST by what we think, believe, see and FEEL in our minds and hearts? I DO!! 

Well….thinking about what my parents would always say to us growing up ‘if you don’t ask, you don’t get’

It works my friends! I asked, or rather, I told myself these very words and that’s precisely what happened. 

Yes, the chemotherapy treatment has worked very well over the last four months and the tumour responded amazingly; I also strongly believe my optimistic frame of mind had a part to play in this fantastic result (over 10cm sized tumour to practically nothing!)

Thank you very much for paying me a short visit little, insignificant C….DON’T COME BACK please, you’re not welcome! You’ve done your job. You may have taken away my hair, my hope (only for a short period), but you didn’t take my life, you helped me lose weight, you saved me money from not going out, you gave me a reason to start writing a blog, you helped me raise money for the charity, Cancer Hair Care, you gave me life perspective, you gave me a reason to be bold, strong, INVINCIBLE! 

Cancer put that in your pipe and smoke it….MATE! Well, you’re not my mate really but I do thank you for teaching me life-long lessons. 

I’m sorry though (well I’m not really sorry)…..It’s time to say Goodbye, Adios, Au revoir, Ta-ra (certainly not TTFN!), Sayonara, Arrivederci, Ciao, off you trot, or shall I say off ya f***! (Sorry Mum and Dad for all the swearing but I’M ECSTATIC so please allow me to shout from the rooftops with a few expletives!)

So, I am revelling in the fact that I am walking around pretty much CANCER FREE now!

And thank YOU my supporters, my champions for believing in me and backing me. 

So, my surgeon, ‘Angel Zoe’….I call her Angel Zoe as she seems to have floated down into my life, into my existence, with her angelic presence, the sparkly, white, HUGE, angel wings and perfectly round halo that sits above her head….has taken the stress away from me regarding the surgery that I still need (why? You may wonder because if there’s almost no cancer cells left then why is a mastectomy needed rather than a lumpectomy. I’ll explain why later on). Angel Zoe has given me hope. Did she come from nowhere? Hmmmm…..I actually think not. Zoe came into my life with a solution to my problem because I sought additional answers. And because of where I stand with my current strong mindset, I believe that people and situations come into your life and solve issues, sort everything out, show you life can be straightforward, can be what you wish for. Life can be simple, never easy, but simple, if you give it the respect of trusting it and trusting its process. 

And check this out…..on researching ‘Angel Zoe’, before letting her loose with a scalpel on my right boob, I googled her, (as you do) and LOOK! Look what I found……

“Zoe Barber (that’s my surgeon) travelled to Los Angeles to visit Project AngelFood for 6 weeks. Project AngelFood is a non-profit organisation that prepares, cooks and delivers meals to those battling critical illness. Their aim is to provide comfort and nutrition at a time of significant financial, physical and emotional need.  

Since its inception in 1989, Project AngelFood has delivered almost 9 million meals to over 15,000 people, a testament to the Agency’s ability to implement and sustain a successful home-delivered food and nutrition program over the last 25 years.

Project AngelFood was founded in 1989 by Marianne Williamson. 

Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson and David Kessler held the first fundraiser, bringing in $11,000.”

WOW!!!!! I gave her the title ‘Angel Zoe’ before even knowing any of this. She really IS an Angel. Let’s hope she does a good job on my ‘Lady Lump’! I don’t want to have to retract her title! 

So, yes, my cancer free news is wonderfully bitter sweet as I still need the mastectomy and this is booked for Wednesday 12th May. A 3.5-hour operation, one ‘nork’ taken off and replaced with an imposter. Ok….so, not really an imposter but not real if you get my drift. But at least it’ll make me feel more symmetrical and less lopsided. AND most importantly no cancer will be residing in my body anymore. I still need the mastectomy as it all needs to go under a microscope to get checked out. (And by all, I mean my boobie and its lymph node neighbours). Also, if I want to be surer that the cancer doesn’t return. No thank you very much. So bring it on Angel Zoe. Do your thing. Take away rogue titty, be gone with it and those nasty, horrible cells that once were. 

Once I’ve recovered from this surgery, when I’ve slept upright for a few weeks (and this shouldn’t be a problem for me, dear readers. Do you recall me saying in a previous blog that I once fell asleep standing upright on a train holding onto one of those things you grab hold of that hang down from the train ceiling? I’m sure they have a name. Anyone know?). So, after I’m all better and all healed, new boob in situ, it’ll be a course of radiotherapy which I’m assured, by many who have gone through it, is a breeze compared to chemotherapy. Hit me with it! 

So, going back to the image of me saying my daily affirmation in the mirror, where I would state those words of conviction looking at myself, my intention to stay strong, determined to feel good through this torrid time, and come out the other side with a non cancerous body…..my wish was my command! Just like the genie in the lamp when Aladdin rubbed it. I rubbed my lamp and what was delivered to me was exactly what I asked for….healthy boob cells and a healed body. 

After the two-week period, post diagnosis, during which I actually thought I could die, I made a choice and that choice was simple….I didn’t want to be a victim to cancer. I took control of how I view the situation. The imagination is invaluable. What you imagine is what becomes your reality. I imagined my future to be bright, my life to be a full one, the possibilities were endless in my mind. And there’s only one explanation for that….CHOICE!

There was little point in being angry about it all and showing bitterness to the situation because “The best fighter is never angry”. My overcoming attitude and my unwavering belief, my optimistic mindset has indeed helped me reach my end goal, which is my healing, but it has also helped me to feel relaxed along the way. And cope well with the crap that kept coming my way.

The last thing I wanted to do was to wallow, I didn’t imagine I would be fun to be around if I was a wallower and I didn’t want people to feel drained if they came to see me. Didn’t want anyone to walk away wishing they’d not bothered to visit because I was so miserable about my situation. 

How do YOU see yourself? Do you recognise whether you are a Drain or a Radiator? By that I mean, do you think people leave your company feeling drained of energy or radiated with love? 

In the same vein, are you a Sapper or a Zapper? Do people feel sapped of energy being around you or zapped to another level of energetic loveliness? What choice will you make?

I’m not saying I am always fun to be around but certainly, during this stage in my life, I didn’t want to be a drain on people, on myself. Because it’s what it says on the tin……it’s draining! Why would I want to drain my own energy thinking about the negatives of Cancer? I needed my positive energy to heal, to get through the gruesome chemo treatment. I needed to channel my energy and focus on getting well rather than thinking about using my energy on moaning and complaining about how awful it is that I’d got cancer. 

I needed to be upbeat to cope with the never ending hospital appointments. I needed to smile through the tears that DID come…. a lot. Because I’m human and do often get ‘those down days’.

My skin may have bruised easily but my WILL and fight did not.

My body may have tired but my spirit never did.

My body may have seen limitations but my mind and spirit never did.

My body may have experienced tension, pain, disease but my spirit never did.

In my mind I was already healed. In my mind, I pictured perfect health. 

And now look what I got, folks! A healed body. Do you think you’ve got what it takes to overcome anything? All it takes is CHOICE. Choose to say ‘yes’. It’s that simple. 

#belikeabbie

Categories
What if I Die?

What if I Die…..?

……The moment I made the switch in my mind from thoughts of death to determination to live.

What if I die? This question had crossed my mind in the very beginning when I received my diagnosis. How could it not? Isn’t that normal? Wouldn’t you think the same? After I had cried bucket loads of tears, over a period of a couple of weeks, and my mind was clearer and more focused, I went into my office and created a ‘personal effects’ folder, with information such as website passwords, my bank details, all my personal information, one place where someone could go and retrieve this sort of information including my finances, in case I died, in an effort to make their life easier if the unthinkable did happen. 

I would imagine people’s opinion on death is split, perhaps not evenly. I would hazard a guess that most people think that experiencing death too soon is a really scary thought and have a crippling fear of it, and some will be entirely ok with the concept, knowing in their heart of hearts that when their time is up, when it’s curtains for them, when the grim reaper comes a-knocking (only the naughty, badly behaved people!), that it is divine timing and they are ok with that, feel peaceful about it, accepting their fate with grace. I am not going to lie, I was scared shitless at the start of my ‘big C’ journey!

I’ve always thought the end of my life would be in my ‘old age’, the age that is considered not too early to be taken to the ‘pearly gates’, an age that is considered acceptable to go, when people say at my funeral, ‘she lived a full life, she had a good innings’. But when those four horrid words were muttered by the specialist, “you’ve got breast cancer”, how long I thought I would live was potentially brought forward by a few years and I had to come face to face with the concept of not living a full life to what is classed as ‘old age’. My demise was brought to the forefront of my mind. And for a short period of time the idea stayed there, filling my mind with worry and anguish and flooding my heart with sadness. That harrowing thought was not something I wanted to continue feeling, and actually more for my son, an innocent child, who is 5 years old and needs me, especially with his diagnosis of Autistic Spectrum Disorder. I don’t want him to be left without me. I want to stick around so I can guide him through life, to help him navigate through the struggles he may encounter, help him understand things which will, no doubt, be harder for him than if he had a neurotypical brain. 

So, there was the moment, two weeks after my diagnosis when, having digested the news and cried enough tears to create the Pacific Ocean #2, my whole mindset changed. My fighting spirit kicked in and that is when I said to myself, “Abbie, nothing can take you down without your permission. Put up your best fight and don’t EVER back down’. I wasn’t going to let cancer win.

So, fast forward a couple of months and this brings me to the time when a friend and I were out walking, walking and talking…..oh, haven’t we all got good at walking, by the way? It’s one of the only things we’ve been ‘allowed’ to do for so long now isn’t it? What with Covid-19 making its appearance last year. I’m sure we’ve all become expert walkers. On that note, have you ever studied how people walk? I have. You’ve got the tiny steppers, the huge striders, and what about the ones who walk with really enthusiastic arm movements, their hips jolting from side to side; it’s quite an animated look isn’t it? Just shy of running, not quite fast enough to run but walking very, very fast. It’s fascinating to watch. I LOVE a bit of ‘people watching’, don’t you? In a park, on the beach or when waiting at the station for the already late train to be even later; anywhere that is a public really…..Oh I love it! I always wonder what people’s lives are like when I’m people watching. Is it because I’m nosy? Or just interested in people? I have always wondered…..

Anyway, back to the conversation with my friend. We were chatting about my upbeat mindset living with cancer (interestingly…..when I first typed ‘living’ it came out as ‘loving’, I guess that is exactly what I’m doing…loving life although I’ve got cancer). Anyway, see below how our conversation went:

My friend: “Your optimistic mindset seems to have taken an exponential leap since your breast cancer diagnosis. I’ve always known you to put a positive slant on things in your day-to-day life; it all seems to have been kicked into overdrive now though.

Me: “Yes, indeed. I think when the chips are down and something very serious and potentially life threatening happens, you are backed into a corner and forced into making a choice how to react, or more appropriately, how to respond to what’s happening. And I chose to up my game and adopt an attitude that nothing, absolutely nothing, was going to keep me from surviving this and living to tell the tale. I also have an unwavering faith, in my mind, and a strong fighting spirit, and getting through this will actually help my physical body to respond to that”.

“When you’re feeling brave and invincible, your body is making neuropeptides similar to Interleukin 2, which is one of the most powerful chemical to fight cancer cells.”

                                                Credit: ‘Quantum Healing’ written by Deepak Chopra MD

My friend: “I wish I had the same mindset as you in life generally, and I can see that when it’s a huge life changing issue you almost have no choice but to gain more strength, but I wouldn’t wish anything drastic like this, something life threatening to turn up in my life, to have that firm belief and faith instilled into my brain”.

I was actually stumped by my friend’s statement. I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t really a question but I still wanted to know how to answer it. I thought it was an interesting statement, nonetheless and wanted to provide her with some insight. Why does something as serious as cancer need to happen, and for a possible early death to be brought to the forefront of one’s mind, to really turn things around and start to live life with purpose? So I asked my sister, my mentor, Vanessa, how she would answer that. Her words were profound and ‘spoke’ to me!

Vanessa’s first words were….”Well, we are all going to die at some point, we are all living our own lives but the very end is death for us all whether now or in years to come!” And that was it, I understood exactly what she meant.

So, my answer to my friend was what my sister said above followed by, “A possible early demise has been presented to me but it hasn’t been presented to you. We shouldn’t need a big negative life happening to encourage us to live life to the full NOW. We should make the choice to enjoy the journey of life, with an abundant mindset and overcoming adversity attitude. We can choose to live that way anyway, every day, can’t we? It’s just a choice. It’s quite simple really”. And for the reason that my sister, Vanessa, said. We are all heading towards the same end, some at different times, but the same end nevertheless. Enjoy life’s process with love in your heart. You never know when your time is up. 

Let me use this analogy to explain further what I’m trying to say……
If you picture a seashore (in fact, let’s picture the Pacific Ocean #2 that I created with the tears I cried just after my diagnosis!!) and in that expanse of water there are different variants of seaweed. My seaweed had come floating to the surface whereas others, without a life threatening disease and a potential early death to contend with, may have their seaweed bobbing about on the sea bed. My seaweed is more visible to the eye but it doesn’t mean that other people‘s seaweed isn’t there. It’s just not as obvious to see. 

Trauma that I’ve experienced, life threatening news like I have had, seems to ‘wake you up’. So, yes, I mustered up a strength I never knew I had, adopted an attitude that perhaps was hiding under the surface that has only now been recognised, acknowledged and stamped in my brain! A super power that I thought only She-Ra possessed but it has always been there, it’s just gone a little bit more unnoticed like the seaweed on the sandy seabed. 

I also made the choice to enjoy the process of something that could potentially kill me….I’m sure that sounds very odd to hear! I’ve laughed a lot, adding humour into the way I cope has really helped too. It has certainly made the whole process easier to handle by looking at it in a more lighthearted kind of way. It’s certainly not a trivial issue but I’ve decided to see it that way in my mind’s eye.


My healing, which, in my mind, will happen by the way, will be the proof that this ‘stuff’ works. This mindfulness is not a waste of time. So, it just so happens that getting cancer has given me the playground to play with this stuff. It has encouraged me to make an inspired choice, to trust the process of life. And as I mentioned earlier, I’m a true believer that a combination of an overcoming attitude and positive thoughts can have a profound effect on our physical bodies.

On the subject of trusting life’s process, there’ll be twists and turns on the journey of life, and trusting that it’s all set out and designed for us, and that everything will work out in the end, is tough to do sometimes. We just have to trust that it will. Here are a couple of analogies….like the bumpers, rails or barriers down a bowling alley that are surrounding a lane for when it is a child’s turn to bowl to prevent the balls from going into the gutters. The bowling ball always bounces back into the main drag of the alley and is more likely to hit the pins. Or the guided missile, it goes off course a lot but always hits its target.

And when trusting life’s process, take this hypothetical situation…..Just imagine you are on the edge of a cliff. Someone is there with you, standing a couple of feet away, saying, “I am going to push you off the edge of this cliff. Your ‘wings’ will open after 5 seconds and save you, give you a soft landing.” Do you trust that everything is going to work out well, have a good outcome, and jump anyway? Will you take that risk in your mind and believe that everything will be ok? 


I truly believe that out of my greatest despair has come my greatest gift of life, a whole new perspective, a complete trust in life’s process for me. 

So, going back to my friend’s observation about wanting to have the attitude I do about overcoming adversity but without having to adopt this way of thinking as a result of traumatic news like mine, why wait until you’re forced to have the thoughts that death could potentially come early? We are all going to die at some point anyway so make a choice to be happy NOW, live life to the full NOW. You don’t need to wait until your seaweed floats to the surface of the seashore.

#belikeabbie

Categories
Talking About Reconstruction

Thunder Thighs are Go!!!!!!

In a previous blog, I informed you lovely people about the fact that my thighs and my bottom have always been the parts of my body that I wish were a little slimmer. My exact words were, ‘they’re a bit flabby it has to be said’. They’ve never really been the same since my four knee operations years ago following my many years as a dancer…..Well, am I glad I’ve got wobbly thighs now!! Read on….and I’ll tell you ALL about how my flabby thighs could, in fact, be my saviour when it comes to my reconstructed boob!

So, it was time for me to meet my breast surgeon in person and chat about all things ‘cancer in my titty’ related. 

Ooohhhh, here we go….I feel it coming in….take a guess what I’m going to do here….off on a tangent I go! 🤣 The other day, I googled ‘alternative words for breasts’ so I wasn’t just using the obvious ‘breast’, ‘boob’, tit’ and ‘boobie’ in my blogs. 

I am about to share with you my absolute favourites. But, firstly, let me tell you that when I was younger, say about 18, old enough to be in a pub….although I had been frequenting a certain local pub in the village, in which I grew up, for two years leading up to my 18th birthday. When I walked into the pub with one of those huge birthday badges pinned to my top with a 1 and an 8 on it side by side, the landlord, JT, said to me, with a look of horror on his face, ‘18????? You’ve been drinking in ‘ere for two years Abigail!’ (You will notice his usage of my full name here!) Ah well yes, JT, I know.’ I responded. ‘But isn’t it better that I’ve been in your good establishment lining your pub pockets sipping on my Hooch, Barcardi Breezers or Malibu and Coke rather than drinking Strongbow from a plastic bottle on the common round the corner?’ He didn’t say much to that. I think he managed to muster a grunt as he walked away with his hunched shoulders to feed his dog, THE BIGGEST DOG I’VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE by the way! Forget the TV star dog ‘Digby’, this dog, ‘Legend’, was not a dog-sized animal, he was more akin to a donkey! Massive hound it was. So, I’ll never know whether JT had a little smirk on his face as he turned away from me or a fierce frown realising that he’d been serving an under aged drinker for two years! Sorry JT. Bit late to apologise now, I know, but I did have such fun in your, slightly grotty, pub in my late teenaged years. Thank you for the good times. Now go and rest a few pieces of sweetcorn on those bushy, curled up eyebrows of yours. 😬

So, on the subject of fun in JT’s pub. I was 18 or so and I was always pretty flat chested before this time. Then suddenly, after going on ‘the Pill’, I’d acquired some rather large bazookas (well bigger than the bee stings I was used to walking around with. That’s what ‘they’ used to call my baps…people can be so cruel!) So, because having an ok set of mammaries was fairly new to me, I became so very proud of them. And….(oh my gosh, I think back now and cringe. Sorry Mum!)….I used to flash them to the older lads in the pub. Only for a couple of seconds before hiding them away again under my skin tight crop top. ‘Dear God Abbie’, I am saying to the older, more sensible version of me with way more grace and decorum, ‘what were you thinking girl?!’ I was then being goaded by the older lads to keep doing it on occasion. As soon as I heard the words, ‘Hey Abbie, show us yer Barrichellos!’ I knew it was my cue. I feel mortified now, looking back! Oh well, I can’t turn back the clock. Haven’t we all done things in the past we regret?! 

Anyway, going back to my favourite alternative names for boobies, here is my list:

Breasticles, LalliesDouble-Whammies (It looks like I’ll have a Single-Whammie at the beginning of May!! 😳)Lady Lumps, Super Mamio Sisters, Brad Pitts, The Mitchell Brothers (shall I call my remaining one Grant or Phil?) Norks (oh I love this one and when you use this term, it’s best to say it like this…..Nooooooorks!) Jubblies (I hear this one a lot!) Rack (someone once said to me ‘nice rack’! I actually didn’t know what they were talking about (oh so innocent!). I had to ask the friend I was with what the chap was saying to me to which she replied, “just smile and say ‘oh thanks’”. Dear readers, if you have any favourite Boobie terms, please do share! It could entertain us all. 

Sooooooo…..now it’s time to revert back to the meeting with my breast surgeon. I won’t bore you with all of the intricate details. But in a nutshell, I went along to meet her and to learn about what to expect from the mastectomy surgery, the procedure, the recovery time, that sort of thing. It was confirmed that I would most definitely need radiotherapy to zap the remaining cancerous cells and the we discussed breast reconstruction. Firstly, she asked my reasons for wanting a reconstruction. To which I replied that my work (daytime work and evening work) are industries where I’m ‘on show’, so to speak, and that from an emotional point of view, I feel I’d cope better with having two breasts rather than just one. I’m not taking anything at all away from those ladies who have had mastectomies and chosen to stay ‘flat’ as is the term, and not have a breast reconstruction, but for me, and my mental health, it is important. It’s all entirely a personal choice and we should all be allowed to have our personal reasons and respect each other’s views on this. 

The surgeon continued to speak and inform me about the different types of reconstructions there are, generally, and then proceeded to tell me that breast implants, which I thought I would like to consider, wouldn’t be an option for me, as it’s strongly suggested that implants shouldn’t be inserted after radiotherapy. So that ruled that option out….first blow. I thought I’d have more options, more choices. 

Then the surgeon spoke about the different parts of my body from which they could take natural materials, my fat or muscle. She was implying that because of my slight frame (oh I really, really LOVE you, I thought!) there wasn’t many places on my body from which she felt they could take fat to create a ‘lady lump’. Can you see where this is going? Well, I didn’t see it at first. I wasn’t cottoning on to what she was trying to tell me. At this point, I noticed that she sat forward a bit, knowing I was keen to have a breast reconstruction once my scar had healed, and told me that a reconstruction may not be possible. That I will never, at age 44, have a right breast. But I would still have my left breast. My emotions came up from the pit of my stomach, up towards my throat, and out through my eyes. I sobbed and sobbed! The tissues were handed to me and I drenched them. I regained my composure after a few minutes and we carried on. 

Soon after, it was time for her to physically examine me. She confirmed that, yes, there was not enough fat on my stomach to be used to reconstruct a breast, there wasn’t enough fat on my back (‘back fat’ I like to call it) to reconstruct a breast. (My heart was in my throat!) Then it came to my bottom and thighs. There wasn’t enough fat at the top of my bottom to reconstruct a breast. Mixed emotions at this point…..Wahoo!!!!!!!!!!!! I metaphorically punched the air. In that moment I celebrated the fact that I didn’t have enough bum fat to aid the reconstruction. I no longer had what was perceived to be a sizeable, and a bit flabby, behind. YES!!!! My whole life I’ve had comments about my rounded posterior….no longer my friends. It ain’t got enough fat to make a bazooka….result! However, this obviously meant it was another place on my body that couldn’t help me in this situation. And wooosh….I’m back ‘down there’ again. What a wave of emotions in one 1.5 hour appointment. No wonder I was feeling so emotionally and mentally drained when I walked out of those hospital doors. 

There was only one place left to look at….my inner thighs…..and here is where I repeat the title of this blog….Thunder thighs are GO!!!!!! I am superwoman with chunky thighs. (She goes and grabs her purple superhero cape and flies off to save the world from being crushed between her inner thighs!)

The surgeon spoke from behind the curtain where she had examined me and got hold of my thighs: “There is more here than I thought just from looking at you in your clothes”. There was definitely an element of surprise in her voice when she discovered there was something a bit more substantial to grab hold of. 

Oh what a relief. My thigh fat can be used to recreate my right Breasticle. AND, even though it’s going to be a HUGE operation….cut open thighs, take fat from thighs, stitch up thighs, make a Boobie from that fat, stitch that up….what’s the greatest result here? Not only a new ‘Brad Pitt’, but….THINNER THIGHS!!!!!

Albeit a massive scar left on my inner thighs for the rest of my life but still…….Thunder Thighs Are Go!
#alwaysasilverlining 😀

Best I get eating my incredibly delicious but fattening homemade stilton and broccoli soup, with heavily buttered bread on the side, chocolate cake and perhaps some ice cream for dessert and get these thighs ready for action! (she says scoffing pizza in her face!!!!)

#belikeabbie

Categories
Making a Difference

The Fabulous Force of Boldness and Courage…in Animal Print!

Have you ever thought in detail about the difference between Conceit and Confidence? It’s a fine line, isn’t it? I’m sure you all know some people who hold their head waaaaaaaay above yours, looking down on you as if to say ‘Oh dear, look at you down there, kissing my feet, probably wishing you were up here with me, gliding through life’, and he or she is regarding everyone through his or her self-assured, self-important beady eyes, spending a lot of the time polishing his/her own imaginary halo, donning his/her fake smile, accepting, with big headedness, every compliment you wish to give them and choosing to add a few ‘I am bloody amazing’s’ in there too! The type of person who has no regard for anyone else but their own self inflated ego thinking that everyone actually wants to be them. Errrr…..no thank you.
That’s conceit, right? Self-adulation, vanity to a fault, arrogance, cockiness, being overconfident.

Whereas confidence, or self-confidence, I believe to be self-love, not the same love for self like Mr or Ms Cocky pants over there, more of a healthy self-respect, complete trust in oneself, belief in one’s ability, accepting oneself just as they are.

So, I just have to tell you about the fabulous force of this bold, courageous and confident woman I encountered on the day of my Chemotherapy treatment #5. I was sat in my ‘chemo chair’, wondering what to do next. Would I decide to watch something on my tablet, write more of my blogs, listen to some music, keep listening to the poor chap opposite me who, love him, was informing the nurse of how awful his life is and how he really is experiencing so much anguish? (I felt for him….and the nurse). Or would I decide to respond to well-wishers, text my Mum to say that I love and miss her, message my Dad to tell him that I love and miss him, What’s App my sister to tell her she rocks, she inspires me every day and that I love and miss her, text my friend to tell her she also rocks, and I love her, text my chemo buddy from the last session to see how she’s feeling, text the neighbour’s dog’s puppy to tell it…..a-hem…..I could go on and on!!!!!! (Hey readers, am I normal? Don’t answer that! Sometimes, I actually wonder whether I am sane when I go off on all these weird tangents in my head like this…..hee hee!)

Let me just say at this point, chemo wards are quite surreal really. It’s ever such a welcoming environment. The first ward I was in only had four chairs strategically placed around the room, so quite small really, and a couple of other booths in which you sit on your own. The last ward I was in, there were, I’d say, 14 chairs, and all the patients are sat there, rigged up to their intravenous drips, some patients minding their own business, others conversing with the people next to them, but all of us with an odd expression on our faces, some not quite looking others in the eye, head slightly facing down so as not to be caught looking directly into the eyes of the next person, a knowing on our slightly pale faces that we’ve all got cancer!! We’re all there because we are attempting to, with the help of the necessary equipment, and Dorothy Drip Stand holding her bags of liquid poison, kill off the bastard cells that have invaded our bodies and are attempting to shorten our lives. I don’t know, maybe there’s an element of us all thinking in our minds, ‘I wonder whether you over there, opposite me, three chairs down, will survive this’ or ‘I wonder who you’d leave behind if this horrible disease took you down’. Gosh….how morbid but I won’t lie, it does cross your mind. And then when the few hours of drug administration is over, I say my goodbyes, waving, saying “see ya next time” (for this god-awful experience that nobody really wishes they had to endure). To be fair, it’s not that bad, once the needle is in, you’re just sitting there having a jolly, wondering what to do to pass the time away. It’s quite nice to just stop and sit still rather than be in the rat race of your life that is usually happening around you on a day-to-day basis. See? I’m always looking for those silver linings aren’t I? Tick….another one found!

Anyway, back to the actual point I was making! I had settled on watching some live music on my phone, seeing as I’m missing that part of my life so much and….in walks, sorry….in strides a lady with purpose, heading to her designated ‘chemo chair’ with confidence and panache. Wearing animal print trousers, tigers printed on her loose fitting blouse, fabulously high-heeled boots in red. (I would certainly fall flat on my face if I wore those), and dark glasses, a brilliantly coiffured, cropped, short hairstyle, tinted blonde. She was carrying a designer handbag and swaying from her ear lobes were ridiculously large gold hoop earrings…..WOW……AMAZING! She was totally rocking it. And there’s something to be said in that.

I could tell straight away that she has an unwavering faith and belief that Cancer is not going to bring her down. There was no doubt, in her mind, that she was already healed. I bet she tells herself this like I do.

Now, some people might look at her and think ‘who does she think she is?’ Well, not me, I thought she was fantastic and looked awesome, and I told her so, ‘you look fabulous!’ I said with enthusiasm. And I followed it up with, ‘you’re going to kick cancer’s arse just like me, aren’t you?’ I don’t think I need to tell you what her reply was. You can guess. And she responded to me with absolute conviction in her voice. 

The thing is, she knew what she wanted. She has cancer, like me, but she had a purposeful demeanour displaying courage, fight and belief that this horrible disease would not beat her and will not take her down. It will absolutely not dictate to her.

THAT, my friends, is the only way to be! The only way to cope with this disease. I applaud her.

One thing having a rogue boob has taught me is to have a renewed sense of self-confidence. Confidence has always been, and you may not believe this about me being a singer and performer, one of my ‘things’. One of the aspects I struggle with. My knees knock and my heart pounds before every live performance. I guess it’s because I’m a perfectionist and love to do a good job. But since having cancer, I’ve almost been forced into learning to have more self-confidence because I figured, what choice do I have? Now that doesn’t mean that my new- found confidence will turn into conceit, not ever because that’s not in my makeup. I’m not built that way. 

After shaving my head, it took me a few days to be comfortable at looking at myself in the mirror, to be ok with who was staring back at me. It’s such a shock to the system to see such a huge change in one’s appearance. Why, just because I’ve got naughty boobie cells in situ, which meant my hair fell out, should I dislike what I see in the mirror? We’ve all got aspects of our bodies we dislike, haven’t we? Before this, it was my thighs and my bottom, which are a bit flabby it has to be said. Although since being diagnosed with cancer, I’ve lost some weight and these areas are not quite so flabby……hoorah! Thank you, Cancer, I am grateful to you.


So, I now concentrate on the things I do like about myself. And some people say I have a nice mouth, a nice smile, so I concentrate on that instead and the other aspects of my body that I tended to be unhappy about disappear or dissipate. And I often say in the mirror, “I love and approve of myself”. Try it….see how it changes your perception of your so-called flaws. They tend not to be flaws over time.

And let’s face it, this is going to be so important when I look at myself in the mirror with a scar where my breast once was. As a woman, who cares about her appearance, (well it is my work after all, in beauty, and being on show, so to speak, in the entertainments’ industry), how will this affect my self-confidence? Cue that positive self talk and mind chatter. Let it be my superpower and let it whirl through my mind with fabulous, purposeful force ….just like animal-print trouser lady.

I’ve got this, people. I will own this new territory, this new fight…..you won’t see it for dust! But I’ll have to work hard, I feel. Work hard to see through that scar to my heart, which is always full of love. 

#belikeabbie    

Categories
Making a Difference

My Wish is to Make a Difference….If I am the boy, maybe you could be the starfish?

When my sister, Vanessa, and I were growing up, we were lucky enough to have the most wonderful, supportive parents who instilled in us at a very young age to believe that anything is possible if we believe it to be so; that we can achieve anything in life if we just set our minds to it. They always taught us to be kind to others; that if we saw a lady wearing a top we liked and she looked lovely that we shouldn’t be afraid to tell her so; to be happy for someone if they bagged a promotion at work; that if someone cut us up at a junction we should not react with fury but respond with love and acceptance; to smile at strangers, just because…..😊


How lucky are we to have such amazing role models? You never know how your attitude, your words, your smile can make a difference to others, and possibly just when that person needs it most. ‘Paying it forward’ has always been a pleasure to me. And with all of the life lessons mentioned above, it’s stood me in good stead for coming to terms with, and dealing with the biggest blow ever, the greatest life challenge I will ever have to face. 


When I was told I had grade 3 breast cancer, I’ll admit it took me a couple of weeks to digest the information, to admit and accept it was happening to me. I spent the best part of two weeks in total denial in my mind, unable to face up to what was actually happening to me, what could happen I guess, and what I would have to go through in the months, maybe years ahead. I spent hours crying at the thought of the long, agonising road ahead of me. The ‘not knowing’, the fear of the unknown, the endless hospital appointments, then the waiting for CT scan results to tell me whether the tumour had spread and was curable or not! (How I slept a wink in those agonising days, I have no clue!) 
And then after that period of desperation and being at a loss in life, I cast my mind back to the life lessons bestowed upon me from a young age, and my precious Mum and Dad’s caring, warm and encouraging voices rung in my ears…..’you can overcome anything if you have the ‘want’ and the ‘will’ to do so’.


That’s all it took…..the biggest, yet simplest decision of my whole life was made, it was being presented to me on a plate…..my strength of mind was being tested….my mind was made up….I will survive this! No question! No doubt, an unwavering belief that I would absolutely and categorically live through this disease. My focus was to get through this difficult period in my life that was being launched at me, dropped on me from a great height. To me, it was simple! I’d achieved a lot in my life, and brought a lot of positives into my life, just through, what I believe to be, the power of intention, the power of thought, and pure belief. This life-threatening situation was to be my biggest test yet!


Many people have been so forthcoming and kind in saying that they find my attitude towards my cancer diagnosis inspiring and uplifting. I’m still floored, in a good way, by the hundreds of messages I’ve received from people showing their support, care and love and that will stay with me until my dying days (which is not yet!) 


But, you see, I don’t necessarily see myself as inspiring, I see it as a choice. It was no big decision to be this way, to think like this, it just happened and it was simple to me. I chose to use my powerful mind, which is far more equipped than any computer, to overcome the physical ailment in my body. And I know I’m not free of cancer yet….oh, but I will be. What other option is there? Why would I lie down and decide that this is my lot, that it’s ‘curtains’ for me? I’m too young. Mid 40’s is no age to die! 



It’s true, life throws up the unexpected at times. These days I just keep pushing on, believing in the possible not the impossible! I realised, when I needed to realise it most, that I AM made of strong stuff. And it’s only when you have ‘strong stuff’ to deal with that it’s brought right to the forefront of your mind. And I wouldn’t have been dealt this hand if I wasn’t able to cope with it. I truly believe that. 


The main aim of my ‘Boobie blog’, apart from the fact that I am finding it truly stress releasing and cathartic, is to help other people, like my lovely parents taught me, with a mindset change. And to help others believe in their ability to overcome absolutely anything with the right attitude. We have the power within us; we sometimes don’t see that because we’ve never had the experience before. I don’t wish you this experience but practice now, be mindful now, whatever challenges you are facing. 


A dear friend, a few years ago, once said to her husband that she had been ‘Abbie-fied’ after spending some time with me, chatting about all things to do with the ‘power of the mind’ and on the subject of ‘to visualise is to materialise’. To this day, that is one of the biggest compliments anyone has ever given to me. 


In the hope that I can make a difference to just one person, maybe more than just one, the following heart-warming story is why I want to share what works for me, why I am constantly putting myself out there, why, if more of us adopt a more overcoming attitude in life, we will have the belief that absolutely anything is possible. 


I see ‘Impossible’ as ‘I’m Possible’. What about you?


#belikeabbie


My wish is that…..’If I’m the boy, YOU will be a starfish’.

Categories
Uncategorized

The Disturbing Moment When you Realise your Face is Lopsided!


Crikey me!!! Have you ever wondered about whether or not your face is normal, in proportion and symmetrical? Hmmmm…..probably not. I can’t imagine you’re as weird or as over analytical as me! 

It’s only when you end up with no head hair and very little in the way of eyebrows that you actually notice these things that would ordinarily pass you by. It becomes more apparent when there’s almost a blank canvas with which to work, that perhaps all is not ‘normal’ on the face front! Dissymmetrical, wonky and lopsided are the words that spring to mind.

Let me explain what the hell I’m going on about. 🤣 One morning as I was going about my daily morning routine of getting showered, dressed, preparing myself for the day ahead, makeup at the ready, I had noticed that my eyebrows decided to go AWOL, not completely gone but almost non-existent. How very dare they! I mean, as if having Cancer isn’t bad enough, right? But your eyebrows then screaming ‘hey, we’re off mate, we can’t cope with sticking around to feel the effects of this bloody chemo, it’s hurting us!’ I know it’s unpleasant, dear eyebrows, but hell, keep me company whilst I’m going through it, won’t you?! Did you not stop to think that I might actually need the emotional support? You could have stuck around and ‘held my hand’ through this sh*t time but no….you go and ‘do one’. Well, thank you very much for your support guys! 

And to add salt to the wound, to make matters far worse, I noticed that my eyelashes have joined my eyebrows in their swift exit out of there. Bloody charmin’! Oddly, only on one eye. I’ve got more lashes on my left eye than my right, so it looks even more odd!  Damn you chemo, now I really do look a bit strange. Help! Here’s where I make the sensible decision to apply double the amount of mascara to just that one eye with less lashes, to try and make it all look a bit more even when I look in the mirror, or when I bump into people I know for a chat. If I didn’t do this, it could be a situation of those people looking at me, racking their brains to work out what is different about my ‘boat race!’ 


So, my eyebrows and my eyelashes deciding to sod off was the last nail in the coffin. Oh dear, maybe not the most appropriate term to use under the current circumstances. Sorry….that’s pretty sick isn’t it? I apologise. On that note though, I did have a very fleeting thought about what kind of coffin my family would choose for me. An entirely natural thought eh? Oh god….no….quick, change the subject! It’s really not funny though. Absolutely not something to quip about. Me thinks I’ve taken the joking just that bit too far!! Sorry….forgive me. 

Anyway, back to the point. Without eyebrows, we do look a bit strange, don’t we? 



They certainly define the eyes quite a lot don’t they? Without them our face looks a bit bare near the hairline. Don’t you agree they make a difference?


So, on noticing my eyebrows had pretty much gone completely, I selected my eyebrow pencil from my makeup bag and got to work to try and create a look that was presentable using the very helpful guide below to help me determine where to pencil in……



…only to notice, on scrutinisation….hold on, what’s wrong with my face? My nose doesn’t appear to be central on my face. It’s very odd! So when I then proceeded to pencil in some eyebrows I was finding it increasingly difficult to ‘get it right’ because my nose isn’t where it should be. Or is that my eyes aren’t where they should be? Am I making sense? Maybe not. You’re most likely wondering ‘what the actual f**k is Abbie going on about?! It’s difficult to explain so, if you will, Google can give you a more comprehensive explanation. And it seems it has actually been a talked about topic. And there it was, in black and white….the facts (well, the reliable facts from The Sun newspaper!) speak for themselves, staring me hard in the lopsided face. One word enveloped me…..Devastated! I was being well and truly smacked hard in my eyebrow and eyelash deprived face! Hmmmm….Google, you used to be my friend. You’ve always been quite helpful and informative. But this time, we have fallen out big time….and quite spectacularly. Can our ‘relationship’ come back from this? Is it salvageable?  You’ve cheated on me, let me down and I’m heartbroken! Will we ever get back to where we were before you truly hurt my feelings and sent me crashing down? 


I quote…. ‘Science claims that the most beautiful people have faces that are totally symmetrical.’ So there you have it, that’s not me. Not that I ever thought I was beautiful. Hold on though…my Mum might disagree with that comment. Our Mums all think their own children are the most beautiful little people on this earth. Actually I don’t even think that’s true in this case. I looked a bit like Swee’pea from Popeye when I was a baby! And when I was in my late teens I had THE most ridiculous hairstyle, my fringe standing up straight, rock hard with hairspray. Why did nobody tell me this at the time? I mean, my loved ones let me go out in public like that. The shame, the embarrassment! To be fair though, for those other people more so than me. I was totally oblivious because I was blinkered to how I looked, thinking my hairstyle looked bloody awesome. Anyway, they’re bad, they were the ones who had to be seen in public with me. 🤣.


I continued to read on and see what the ‘very reliable’ Sun newspaper had to say next…..‘Facial symmetry is also linked to agreeableness, extraversion and conscientiousness, so good looking people generally find it easier to make friends and hold down jobs.’ Well that’s me f***ed! Ha ha! No hope for me in this world. I may as well give up now. No point in ever striking up friendships or going for another interview. Computer says ‘NO!’


According to The Sun, ‘Kim Kardashian’s face doesn’t seem particularly different whether its flipped to the left or right. No wonder she can’t stop taking selfies.’ (Ooh and look….copied and pasted….notice that The Sun newspaper article writer had used ‘its’ instead of ‘it’s’ just now….tut tut!).



Hmmmmm….Kim K has got one over on me. I bet I’ve got a smaller bottom though…..ha! 


The Sun goes on to say, ‘Holly Willoughby’s face is perfectly imperfect. We are used to seeing Holly’s gorgeous smile every day on This Morning but these pictures prove her beauty is the sum of her perfectly different-sided visage.’



Ok, Google, you’ve redeemed yourself. That makes me feel better about myself. We can be friends again. We’ve kissed and made up. All is forgiven. Wahoo….I’m saved! There was me thinking I looked like this……


……although on closer inspection, Sloth from The Goonies has got bloody eyebrows! 

Moral of the story, people, embrace your perfectly imperfect look. And don’t, whatever you do, go and shave off your hair and your eyebrows just to find out which bracket you fall into! Symmetrical or dissymmetrical. (Is dissymmetrical even a word? Too late….I’ve written the blog. I can’t change it now. Can’t and won’t. I’m known for making up my own words anyway…’mahoosive’ was a word I made up once to describe my sister when she was 9 months pregnant).
I’ve digressed…..AGAIN!! I’m always doing that aren’t I?


Anyway……..#contentbeingmewhateverilooklike#belikeabbie#baldandproud#myhairwillgrowback#aswillmyeyebrows 😁

Categories
Coping With Bad Days

It Seems I AM Normal……Hooray!

Ok….so, Today….can DO ONE! 

It seems I AM normal! There was me thinking I was Wonder Woman! This super human being who is loving that cancer has shown up to teach me life long lessons for which I will always show gratitude. Smiling through the sh*t times, laughing through the even sh*ttier times. #belikeabbie right? It’s a great mindset to have. 

But today can p*ss right off! Today can get out of my face, turn on its heels and go back to where it came from, preferably a trillion, zillion miles from here. 

Do you get those days? When all you want to do is cry, wallow, say ‘why me?’. To the life dealer, scream….. ‘What have I done so wrong that you chose to give me this raw deal? Cut me some slack, will you?’ Today I want to shout from the rooftops, ‘Cancer, you a**hole! Why did you pick on me? What did I do to deserve this?’ 


As soon as I woke, the day started off with some bad thoughts. Yesterday, and many days prior, was the opposite, the ‘good thinking’ days. Why the bad thoughts today? I don’t have the answers to that. There was NO apparent reason why the negative thinking kicked in. It just did……it happens from time to time even to me, who is generally upbeat. I AM human after all, not superhuman. 

Today, I awoke, put a pretty top on and thought ‘what is the point in wearing that when you’ve got a bald head and can’t possibly look feminine!’ What’s the point in trying to look nice. YOU’VE GOT CANCER FFS! 

I just want my old life back ‘pre breast cancer’, I want my hair back, I want my eyebrows back, my eyelashes too. (You can keep your leg and underarm hair because not having that is actually quite handy!) I don’t want to wear the ‘it’s-so-bloody-obvious-I’ve-got-cancer’ head wrap anymore. I want to be in someone else’s company and not have to worry about my low immunity situation, worrying whether they’ll pass something on to me and it’ll affect my recovery. 

 I mean, for Christ’s sake, today, in my mind, people close to me are taken ill and I can’t go and see them. We call the ambulance out for my son because he’s swallowed his own tongue! My niece is taken from us in the most cruel way possible. My nephew is beaten to a pulp by thugs…..I mean, for crying out loud (one of the sayings I’d, on occasion, hear my mum saying when I was young) why do I do it to myself? Why do I conjure up these thoughts in my own head? They haven’t happened, they’re not real!! Do other people do this? Am I on my own here? 

So, lovely people, today, may well be a ‘bad thinking’ day for me……but here’s the important thing I need to remember……it’s entirely ok. Here’s when I remind myself….I am in control of my own thoughts. Just me, nobody else. I have total control! And one thing I’ve recently come to learn is that it’s totally alright and acceptable to have those days. Why brush it under the carpet and pretend it’s not happening? Why deny these feelings of desperation and pretend that today I’m not in an ‘I am invincible’ mood. Nobody has got life sussed 100% of the time. It’s not real to be on a constant ‘up’. We are complete human beings because of the good AND the bad thoughts and feelings. We are whole and complete because of our light AND our dark. What an invigorating and refreshing thought. 


So, what can I do? I can change it all in my mind with the ‘flick of a switch’. Literally, in an instant.

A very special person in my life, my amazing sister, Vanessa, has taught me that we’re always evolving as people, so it’s ok to experience the bad thoughts and the good thoughts, the weak mind and the strong mind as part of one mind. It’s the law of polarity, you see, opposites that are showing us we are just experiencing different emotions (energy in motion). That’s all they are…..just different emotions passing through us. It’s not wrong, or right, just different.

Because without differences, without contrast, without polarity, there’d be no sun and moon, no day and night, no summer and winter, no dark and light, no up and down, no sun and rain making a rainbow. And where would we be without these contrasts?

With this in mind, when we’re feeling down and having ‘bad thinking’ days, it really is ok because we must remember, there’s always the ‘going up’ to look forward to. And it does happen because, remember…..we are in control of our own thoughts. In TOTAL control! We just make a choice to think more positively. It’s that simple. 

Like taking the rough with the smooth, light and shade in life. Polar opposite thoughts and they ARE ok. It’s ok to feel BOTH of these. Why deny the thoughts that come to us all? We couldn’t do it anyway, not even if we tried. We can’t get them out of our mind once they’re in there. 

So here’s the thing…..from my experience it’s how we VIEW those thoughts that matters, how we PERCEIVE them, how we RESPOND to them, how we let them affect our day that matters…..THAT’s the key, THAT’s what we must focus on. 


So, you may be thinking, how do I get rid of these disturbing thoughts in my head? Here’s what I do……IMMEDIATELY replace them with a good thought, think about what is good in my life, what I am truly grateful for today. The people and things I have in my life that make me smile, make me happy. It’s an instant change in focus. It’s as quick as a click of the fingers. And it’s so interesting to see how fast my mood changes. How quickly I can go from feeling desperate thoughts to feeling ecstatic about life and what I DO have in my life….RIGHT NOW. I’ll say it again, we are in control of our own thoughts. In total control.

So……today, is it actually a bad thing that negative thoughts have crept in? No…..it’s not, it’s just different. And I’m ok with it. I’m content knowing I have the power of thought to switch it, change my whole way of thinking to one on a more positive slant. 


Tomorrow’s a new day anyway and tomorrow, because I am in total control of my own thoughts……’I choose happy, I choose peace, I choose harmony, I choose gratitude, I choose LOVE.’

Let’s just see what kind of day I have….’ 😊 I’ll bet you can guess. 

#belikeabbie – acceptance for what is……it’s liberating!

Categories
Uncategorized

Membership Fee to the ‘Cancer Club’…not worth the money! Or is it?


 
I believe I’m right in saying that you never know whether a subscription to a magazine or membership fee to a club is going to be worth the dosh you shell out until you’ve experienced what the magazine or club is like and has to offer, whether the information provided is helpful, whether the facts given will enhance your knowledge about the subject in question, whether it’s an enjoyable experience.
 
Well….let me tell you, the membership fee to the ‘Cancer Club’, when you first subscribe, is so not worth it! Don’t sign up if you don’t have to. I wouldn’t bother. A waste of your hard-earned money. What a load of tosh!



That was my first thought; there is a BUT……..
What I can tell you IS well worth it, is the experience you will gain from joining the ‘Cancer Club’. That is worth its weight in gold. So you have the hypothetical ‘empty purse’ issue which may leave a bitter taste in your mouth but revel in the fact that your mindset, therefore your life, may very well change….for the better!

But first, on becoming a valued member, do be prepared that initially you may cry….A LOT. And it’ll be that god awful, ugly crying that even the most beautiful of people can be made to look really unattractive doing, with snot pouring out of your nose and down your face. This may last a good while along with downright denial of the fact that you’ve joined The C Club. You’re an ‘honorary’ member, like so many people before you but, yes, it’s a bit sh*t to be standing at the doorway waiting to be welcomed in with sodding open arms! I can think of slightly more enjoyable, happier clubs of which I’d rather be an ‘honorary’ member.

When all the crying is done, after the 20 empty packs of tissues you’ve thrown in the bin have stopped overflowing and been discarded, the shouting and screaming ‘why me, Cancer you b*stard?!’, oh….and the disgusting expletives you find leaving your mouth. When all that is done and, in my case, wondering whether you’ll live to see your five-year-old son’s next birthday, it’ll be time to phone your loved ones with the news of your new club membership. And repeat the process above time and time again whilst you deliver the news to each and every one of them. 

And then my next suggestion is to set up a What’s App support group, like mine, ‘Abbie’s Boob Love Army’, to inform your nearest and dearest all at one time, for ease, of the whole process, what’s going on with your many scheduled hospital appointments and scans, and that each time you need a ‘pick me up’ you’d like them to send you memes that will have you in fits of uncontrollable laughter or the amusing inappropriate willy jokes!! Anything that will make you laugh rather than do the ugly sob. 

 Search for those silver linings I keep talking about….and why the hell not use the ‘cancer card’ you’ve been dealt? Accept the meals offered from well-wishers, see if you can wangle a better table in that restaurant. Accept gracefully those ‘you’ve got cancer and I feel sorry for you’ cards and gifts. (On a serious note, at this point, let me say, never in my life have I witnessed such love, care and generosity from my family, friends, loved ones and well-wishers. It’s heart-warming and I will always remember the kindness for decades to come). 

Next on the list, well….next on MY list was to spend a sh*t load of money on clothes from online companies. (Hell, you’re not going out much, because you can’t due to the low immunity situation). And don’t do what I did and order from those overseas clothes companies! I learnt my stupid lesson because the fees are so ridiculously high to bother returning anything you no longer want, or need, or that may be slightly too tight round your thighs; in my case, the wobble I’ve never quite managed to lose since my FOUR knee operations in my 20s. That’ll teach me for being a dancer in my early years.

But, oh how I love to shop online!! 

All the while, casting your mind back to your teenage years……do you think I sat in Business Studies class at school and when asked by the teacher…‘so, Abigail….. (my full name that only my sister ever uses now, that’s if she’s not using my nickname of Fanny)…..what would you like to become when you’re older, where do see yourself in 30 years time?’, proudly say with guts, grit and outright knowingness, ‘I’ve got it all worked out sir, I am going to be a proud member of the ‘Cancer Club’. I’ll work hard to get there and love every minute of the journey getting there and feel total euphoria at reaching my intended goal. It will be an honour and a privilege I will look back on my achievement with fondness knowing I put my all into it.’

Did I hell?!! Funny, but it’s never been an aspiration of mine. I, like you, I’m sure, used to see people walking around wearing a head-wrap and think to myself ‘oh gosh, I wonder if, under that head garment, there’s a bald head due to having cancer, and they have had to ‘brave the shave’ or lost it naturally eventually?’ and instantly feel for them, send them a virtual hug of care and compassion knowing that what they’re going through must be totally crap and hard going, only to be in that very same position myself years later thinking ‘this wasn’t in my mapped out life plan!’


Only then, when you’ve sat there, pensively, asking the ‘Why me? F*** off Cancer, who invited you anyway?’ question umpteen times, can your fighting spirit kick in. And let me tell you, you’d better have that attitude of ‘nothing is gonna take me down without my permission’ because, my word, does that help. There’s no other option, people. That’s when the membership to this new ‘club’ you have found yourself in shows its worth. 

So, going back to the experience, you’ll gain from it. THAT’s the key message here. If you have to spend your ‘hard-earned cash’, hypothetically speaking, on being a member of the ‘Cancer Club’, make sure the experience you have teaches you something about yourself. Teaches you that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. It’ll make you feel like the most badass person alive, the euphoria will be life changing. 
 

So those are my wise words! Steer clear of this membership if you’ve got any goddamned sense in the first place. It ain’t worth ‘splashing the cash!’

If you do find yourself in this position, and I truly hope you don’t, but IF you do…..#belikeabbie and live in a blissful state of mind rather than blaming the cancer from landing in your lap. Perhaps even love it for showing up to teach you some valuable life lessons. It WILL transform your view of it. 

Want to learn how I did it? How I went from a ‘Blaming’ mentality to a ‘Blissful’ state, go here……www.vanessaloves.life
and book yourself on to this zoom workshop. It’ll be the answer, the best decision you’ll ever make, not just for those people wanting to adopt an overcoming attitude to cancer but to EVERYTHING unwanted in life that smacks you in the face without you ‘placing the order’ for it. Or if you just need to know how to live a more blissful, happier existence…..a more fulfilled life.
 
 Trust me on this and Trust Vanessa too…..it’s MAGIC!
 
M – Make 
A – A 
G – Great 
I – Inspired 
C – Choice

And THAT is how I did it, that’s how I roll, this is what has helped me adopt this ‘don’t mess with me Cancer! You will NOT beat me I can assure you’ attitude.



#belikeabbie